"Logging Field" lyrics

I think I've gotten really good at watering this hollow wood
Imagining a tree is gonna rise
And missing is a funny thing, collects itself in annual rings
Believing well that time will make us wise
But emerging from a fog revealed, I'm standing in a logging field
And time just made me see what isn't there
Is someone real if they're unclear?
Can you be gone? You weren't here
Am I allowed to grieve the empty air?

And it's a skill I've come to question
It is a skill I don't wanna learn
Building a future off a suggestion
Basing a life off of a word
Living a life off of a word

I'd say I felt it coming fast, but pains of now are always past
And no one can predict the way things fall
And missing is a boundless trap, you learn to love around a gap
Still, pieces of you live there in the vault
But our bodies weren't built for grief, all primal screams then quick relief
We're built to chop the wood and start a fire
And as I watch the branches catch what once was shade becoming ash
I wonder, am I also on the pyre?

And it's a fear I end up living
It is a fear I don't want to earn
You had to go, but I'm the one missing
You had to go, but I'm the one burned
I let you go and I'm the one burned

Smoke always rises straight from the source
Nothing surprises me anymore
Smoke always latches onto my hair
We are just matches catching on air

And there's a field somewhere within me
An open field where things used to grow
Pain I can't take never quite kills me
It leaves the space for what I don't know
It leaves the space for what I don't know