"Stitches Parody" lyrics

[Shawn Mendes:]
I am pretty and 17
I have no clue what heartbreak even means
But I made this song about it
After my girl dumped me, that cold hearted witch

What was that?
It felt like I just got punched

[Mysterious voice:]
Your Ex-Girlfriend sent me to kick your butt!
She said make sure he needs to get stitched up

[Shawn Mendes:]
That hurts!

She took this song too literally
I meant stitches metaphorically
Wasn't it enough that she left me?
Now she wants me to bleed
Who is that hitting me?

[Mysterious voice:]
Here's a clue
I say "You can't see me!"
I wrestle men in big arenas

[Shawn Mendes:]
Um, are your John Cena?

[John Cena:]
Yep!

[Shawn Mendes:]
What did I do to deserve this?

[John Cena:]
On her birthday you got her nothing you dick!
Instead you got yourself this car!

[Shawn Mendes:]
I needed to look more badass

[John Cena:]
And that's why I'm kicking your ass!

[Shawn Mendes:]
Someone save me from this wrestler dude!

[Kylo Ren:]
Now you'll learn the power of the Dark Side

[Shawn Mendes:]
Don't tell me my ex also sent you

[Kylo Ren:]
That's right
Remember
On this past Christmas Day
You got her nothing, now you must pay
Instead you got that dumb jacket!

[Shawn Mendes:]
Hey I look badass in it

[Kylo Ren:]
How dare you be so selfish

[Shawn Mendes:]
Ouch! Stop That!
She was being a bitch!

[Kylo Ren:]
You see the power of The Force now

[Shawn Mendes:]
Who's poking my ass? Ow!

[Harry Potter:]
'Twas me Harry Potter
Your ex girlfriend is my witch daughter
I'm gonna
Take my broom from Quidditch
And beat your butt with it!

[Cupid:]
Valentine Day's coming
Got to turn this pain to loving
This brutal violence is senseless
I must save Shawn Mendes

[Kylo Ren:]
Harry Potter, would you care to make love?

[Harry Potter:]
Strangely, yes I would!

[Kylo Ren:]
Shawn Mendes, would you care to make love, with us both?

[Shawn Mendes:]
Ew, no!

[Kylo Ren:]
You will join this threesome

[Shawn Mendes:]
I will join this threesome

[Kylo Ren:]
You're gonna need stitches after this, Shawn Mendes! Hahahahahahaha!