"laying awake at night" lyrics

I'm laying awake at night
Lately I hate my mind
Need to do something bout' it
I pray I don't take my life

The meds would've helped me a bit but
I never take them right
My mom thinks a therapist could but
I'll never take the time

To reach out to someone who don't give a fuck about me they only show up for the check
The waves of the pain are pulling me down and I can't keep holding my breath
So if one of these days I finally drown then don't be upset
Just know that I tried and gave it my all but I ain't got anything left

I hate the way I'm changing
I'm so tired of waiting
I'm lying to myself say I'm good but I'm not
Everyday feel like the same shit

I just hate the way I'm changing
I'm so tired of waiting
I'm numb and miss the pain
That's the only thing inside of me that's gone and now I crave it

Running from demons while chasing a ghost
Wish you could know
That I get anxiety out in the public but then when I leave I hate it at home
So where do I go? Go
Where do I go? There's nowhere to hide
But I find a comfort inside of the pain so when its all good
I self sabotage and throw it away

I throw it away
I talked to the devil and he told me that I'll be okay
I'll be... I'll be okay
But only if he get the one thing he want and I'm gonna pay

Ave
Satanas
Ave
Satanas
Ave
Satanas
Ave

I hate the way I'm changing
I'm so tired of waiting
I'm lying to myself say I'm good but I'm not
Everyday feel like the same shit

I just hate the way I'm changing
I'm so tired of waiting
I'm numb and miss the pain
That's the only thing inside of me that's gone and now I crave it