"i promise i'm trying" lyrics

I'm tryna fill the space with empty sighs and compromise
It's hard to know what's real when this is something I just fantasized
Blessed upon my pedestal, I'm staring with these tired eyes
I wish I didn't feel this pain and emptiness inside
But you don't need to worry, you don't need to understand
I been going through it on my own, I always had a plan
Me, myself, and I we tried, oh so many times
But the guilt I feel is heavy, when I wanna take my life
I think about my friends, and the ones I left behind
The ones I'll never know, and the ones I know will cry
The ones I never texted back 'cause I had too much pride
My mom, my sister and my girl what they would feel inside
I'd never be a father and I'd never raise a kid
Wouldn't get to tell my son the things I wish my father did
Wouldn' t get to tell my daughter she will always have my love
That she won't ever need a man, she'll always be enough

I just can't sleep
I tried so hard
I'm wide awake
In the fucking dark