"All My Life" lyrics
(feat. Alyna Rae)
So many nights
Thought I'd never beat them
Now they crawl beneath me
While I'm standing on my feet again
All my life
Three in the morning, ignoring the warning, apartment was lifeless
Floor full of bottles and problems and promises broken in silence
Stuck in a cycle of trying to survive while avoiding the crisis
Looking for answers in places that only provided more vices
Had a fire inside me, was wired at high speed
Every night I'd stay awake feeling like I might need
Something bigger than the life that was sitting right by me
Time keeps flying, I'm trying to find what inspired me
Mind keeps drifting, revisiting visions I might be
Looking for signs of the guy that I swore I would finally be
Somewhere between surviving and hiding I lost where the light leads
Now I'm digging through the dark trying to find what was hiding
Back in the basement, pacing and taking the blame for the changes
Staring at pages of goals that I made but abandoned for ages
Trapped in a cage I created from anger and fear and complacence
Watching the years disappear while convincing myself I could change it
Every excuse was another few inches of dirt on the coffin
Every tomorrow got borrowed and swallowed by doubt and exhaustion
Every ambition got buried beneath all the fear I was dodging
Till I looked in the mirror and hated the man that was watching
All my life
Trying to outrun my demons
All my life
Trying to find a better reason
So many nights
Thought I'd never beat them
Now they crawl beneath me
While I'm standing on my feet again
All my life
One day I caught my reflection in black glass during a break
Looked at my face and for once I had nowhere to run or escape
Saw all the stress and the pressure and weight that was written in place
Like every regret I'd collected was sitting there plain on my face
Heart started racing, replacing the blame with acceptance
Facing the fact I was wasting away from avoiding correction
Taking a path that was leading me straight to the edge of destruction
Waiting for luck when I should've been building a better direction
First few mornings felt foreign, the storm wasn't over
Brain kept racing replacing the patience with reasons to fold up
Stayed on the treadmill for days when the voice in my head said "slow up"
Kept putting one foot in front of the other until I could grow from it
One day became three days
Three days became weeks straight
Weeks turned to months and for once I was keeping the promises we'd make
Mind got clearer, vision got bigger
Drive came back and the fire got lit up
Started remembering the version of me that existed
Before I convinced him to quit
All my life
Trying to outrun my demons
All my life
Trying to find a better reason
So many nights
Thought I'd never beat them
Now they crawl beneath me
While I'm standing on my feet again
All my life
Now I'm rebuilding, refusing to lose to the ruin I lived in
Back on a mission with vision and different decisions and discipline
Pain became fuel and the fuel became movement and movement became an addiction
Every day showing up, every rep adding up till the change became visible
Funny how everything shifted the minute I stopped being pitiful
Stopped looking outward for someone to come and perform me a miracle
Started admitting the enemy lived in me, not in the world
And that truth hit harder than anything physical
Back from the bottom, I carried the doubt and the damage and buried it
Back from the nights I was trapped in my head and too scared to acknowledge it
Back with a hunger that's bigger than anything standing in front of me
Back with a confidence built from surviving the things that were crushing me
Now when I look in the mirror the image is finally matching
The vision I had before all of the slipping and crashing
Same scars, same past, same road that I walked through
Difference is now when I fall, I get back up and blast through
Thought I was buried but really I buried the version I never respected
Dug through the rubble and pulled out the fighter I thought I'd neglected
Now every second I'm breathing's a reason to keep moving forward
The man that I thought disappeared was just waiting for me to restore him
I thought the fire died
I thought the light was gone
But all this time
It was waiting all along
One spark
Turned into a flame
Now I'll never be the same
All my life
Trying to outrun my demons
All my life
Trying to find a better reason
So many nights
Thought I'd never beat them
Now they crawl beneath me
While I'm standing on my feet again
All my life
Thought I'd never beat them
Now they crawl beneath me
While I'm standing on my feet again
All my life
Three in the morning, ignoring the warning, apartment was lifeless
Floor full of bottles and problems and promises broken in silence
Stuck in a cycle of trying to survive while avoiding the crisis
Looking for answers in places that only provided more vices
Had a fire inside me, was wired at high speed
Every night I'd stay awake feeling like I might need
Something bigger than the life that was sitting right by me
Time keeps flying, I'm trying to find what inspired me
Mind keeps drifting, revisiting visions I might be
Looking for signs of the guy that I swore I would finally be
Somewhere between surviving and hiding I lost where the light leads
Now I'm digging through the dark trying to find what was hiding
Back in the basement, pacing and taking the blame for the changes
Staring at pages of goals that I made but abandoned for ages
Trapped in a cage I created from anger and fear and complacence
Watching the years disappear while convincing myself I could change it
Every excuse was another few inches of dirt on the coffin
Every tomorrow got borrowed and swallowed by doubt and exhaustion
Every ambition got buried beneath all the fear I was dodging
Till I looked in the mirror and hated the man that was watching
All my life
Trying to outrun my demons
All my life
Trying to find a better reason
So many nights
Thought I'd never beat them
Now they crawl beneath me
While I'm standing on my feet again
All my life
One day I caught my reflection in black glass during a break
Looked at my face and for once I had nowhere to run or escape
Saw all the stress and the pressure and weight that was written in place
Like every regret I'd collected was sitting there plain on my face
Heart started racing, replacing the blame with acceptance
Facing the fact I was wasting away from avoiding correction
Taking a path that was leading me straight to the edge of destruction
Waiting for luck when I should've been building a better direction
First few mornings felt foreign, the storm wasn't over
Brain kept racing replacing the patience with reasons to fold up
Stayed on the treadmill for days when the voice in my head said "slow up"
Kept putting one foot in front of the other until I could grow from it
One day became three days
Three days became weeks straight
Weeks turned to months and for once I was keeping the promises we'd make
Mind got clearer, vision got bigger
Drive came back and the fire got lit up
Started remembering the version of me that existed
Before I convinced him to quit
All my life
Trying to outrun my demons
All my life
Trying to find a better reason
So many nights
Thought I'd never beat them
Now they crawl beneath me
While I'm standing on my feet again
All my life
Now I'm rebuilding, refusing to lose to the ruin I lived in
Back on a mission with vision and different decisions and discipline
Pain became fuel and the fuel became movement and movement became an addiction
Every day showing up, every rep adding up till the change became visible
Funny how everything shifted the minute I stopped being pitiful
Stopped looking outward for someone to come and perform me a miracle
Started admitting the enemy lived in me, not in the world
And that truth hit harder than anything physical
Back from the bottom, I carried the doubt and the damage and buried it
Back from the nights I was trapped in my head and too scared to acknowledge it
Back with a hunger that's bigger than anything standing in front of me
Back with a confidence built from surviving the things that were crushing me
Now when I look in the mirror the image is finally matching
The vision I had before all of the slipping and crashing
Same scars, same past, same road that I walked through
Difference is now when I fall, I get back up and blast through
Thought I was buried but really I buried the version I never respected
Dug through the rubble and pulled out the fighter I thought I'd neglected
Now every second I'm breathing's a reason to keep moving forward
The man that I thought disappeared was just waiting for me to restore him
I thought the fire died
I thought the light was gone
But all this time
It was waiting all along
One spark
Turned into a flame
Now I'll never be the same
All my life
Trying to outrun my demons
All my life
Trying to find a better reason
So many nights
Thought I'd never beat them
Now they crawl beneath me
While I'm standing on my feet again
All my life
