"Proud" lyrics

I didn't text you, I hope you're proud
But there's a message that I typed out
I let it rot on my home page
And there's a lot that I won't say out loud
I feel your lips, then I feel your doubt
I let you rot on my own brain
And there's a no second image
There's no second chance
Maybe you just liked the thought of me
Next time, check in advance
Maybe I'm just too dramatic
My career is one big red flag
Now your guilt makes me feel guilty
For the times we never had

I hope your proud
I'm happy now
I'm saying the words you need to hear
I'm doing well
My life is swell
I'm not in the solitude you fear
So keep it on the surface level
Save your best it's nothing special
Just move on
I hope your proud
I'm happy now
Or whatever you need me to say

And you're not the first
My friends thought I learned
But you can't hit my blindside
If I drive in reverse
And I had the plans
The world in my hand
My heart's going ninety, but my head's in the sand
So thank God your stark, and put me in park
You're so fucking certain, there's no question mark
Or is it you too?
Curled up in your room
The further I go, the more I matter to you

I hope your proud
I'm happy now
I'm saying the words you need to hear
I'm doing well
My life is swell
I'm not in the solitude you fear
So keep it on the surface level
Save your best it's nothing special
Just move on
I hope your proud
I'm happy now (1, 2, 3, 4)

And this is fucked, I'm so done with lying
This day sucked, I'm so done with trying
I met your friends, at my wits end
And I didn't hear a fucking word they said
Cause I blacked it out, just to play the part
Of the boy next door, with an armored heart
I faked it great, they took the bait
Now you don't have to sweat out
All the bullshit you threw on my plate