"It's Been So Long" lyrics

I don't know what I was thinking, leaving my child behind
Now I suffer the curse, and now I am blind
With all this anger, guilt, and sadness coming to haunt me forever
I can't wait for the cliff at the end of the river

Is this revenge I am seeking or seeking someone to avenge me?
Stuck in my own paradox, I wanna set myself free
Maybe I should chase and find before they'll try to stop it
It won't be long before I'll become a puppet

It's been so long
Since I last have seen my son
Lost to this monster
To the man behind the slaughter
Since you've been gone
I've been singing this stupid song
So I could ponder
The sanity of your mother

I wish I lived in the present with the gift of my past mistakes
But the future keeps luring in like a pack of snakes
Your sweet little eyes, your little smile is all I remember
Those fuzzy memories mess with my temper

Justification is killing me, but killing isn't justified
What happened to my son? I'm terrified
It lingers in my mind, and the thought keeps on getting bigger
I'm sorry, my sweet baby, I wish I'd been there

It's been so long
Since I last have seen my son
Lost to this monster
To the man behind the slaughter
Since you've been gone
I've been singing this stupid song
So I could ponder
The sanity of your mother