"Wrap God" lyrics

Look, I was gonna go easy on you not to hurt your feelings but how can you maintain a track for?
Six minutes, six minutes, six minutes
Only talking about wrapping paper
Just a feeling I've got that this could be extremely good or plain terrible
And if it is then, you're in trouble, big trouble
Well if we are as terrible as you claim we'll be, we're sorry
We're really really sorry

I'm beginning to feel like a wrap god, wrap god
Sellotape, blu-tack, put it all in a fat wad, fat wad
But not just any other wrapper can join this wrap squad, wrap squad
They said I wrap like a robot so call me wrap bot

But for me to wrap like a computer's not ideal
'Cause then I get crap, it's just gift wrapped
All my line folds, fucking intact
Use a ruler, fucking ballsack
Origami, fuck your combat
Pre-made Sellotape so I'm all on track
Double sided
Don't make me laugh, I bet when you started you didn't have your plan decided
Then it all ends up lop-sided
Try and take on the advice provided
Slickety gibberdy hibberdy shit flop
You don't really wanna get into a rapping match with this wrappidy chap
Packing a tag with a bag that the tag actually matches
So I brag and you wave white flag
Shape of your present ain't half bad but no structure, it'll all sag
Yeah I'm liable to wrap a motherfucking bicycle over the back of a couple of wrappers that can't wrap a motherfucking box (show off)
I'm in tip top shape, made a ribbon in a floral shape
How could I not though, they're coming back 'round
Feel my rapid attack, wrappers are having a rough time this time of year so let me be crystal clear
I'm 'a be the only wrapper 2Pac gifts, small or biggie
Yeah

I'm beginning to feel like a wrap god, wrap god
Sellotape, blu-tack, put it all in a fat wad, fat wad
But not just any other wrapper can join this wrap squad, wrap squad
Annually get utensils from this wrap box, wrap box
Everybody want the key and the secret to wrap immortality like I have got

I didn't always like throwin' paper 'cause it was a rip off, get it, rip off
But since birth I've been cursed with this curse to wrap these gifts like a purse or a nurse or a hearse or any other shape you could throw at me
I thought I should warn ya, it's hard to smooth out a corner, your parents'll mourn ya when they find you hanging by a ribbon loose in the corner
A product of wrappin'
From my mum Sally, Diane to Karen
Martha Stewart gave tape to me for practicin'
Taking notes of the method it's locked in
Inspired enough to one day grow up, roll up and follow my mission
To meet fat man and kill all his minions
Listening to Rockin Robin
When we walk in the midst of the North Pole gates
Packed the Detroit, riding on a sleigh
Only one more sleigh has a big fat belly and beard
Show him all your mince pies and they're gone, cliché
You noobs think it's all a game
'Til your matching tags with names
Whilst your drinking
Tell me why the duck are you thinking
Mixed up, little boy
Grandma's knickers end up in the hands of your dad, little boy
Witnessin' a massacre of tradition, study wrappers edition, little boy
Holy crap, those guys can wrap, that's all they say, little boy
Get a paycheque and a hell yeah and a sponsor from Paperchase everyday, little boy
You could say we're making paper, zing
Mad men like Don Draper, ching
You're not a proper wrapper 'cause you're cheating with a stapler
Basically boy, you're never gonna be capable to wrap it up at super speed, little boy 'cause

I'm beginning to feel like a wrap god, wrap god
Sellotape, blu-tack, put it all in a fat wad, fat wad
But not just any other wrapper can join this wrap squad, wrap squad
Annually get utensils from this wrap box, wrap box
Bit a turbo on your presents like Los Santos, Santos

Every different occasion, wrapping invasion
Birthday, Christmas, no persuasion
Christening of a kid I don't even know
But I bought presents though
And no word should be spoken
I'm 'aculate scissor move, I'm a pro
My blades be always smokin'
Look at my perfect motion
I'm at my wrapping peak, won't ever rest and that's devotion
I worked at Clinton Cards and never got a sales promotion
But I don't give a shit, now those phonies read my slogan
If I don't utilise what I do though for good at least
Once in a while, I'll step aside off my a-game and I'll collide
When the whole world quits
Mum and Daddy wanna let Hamley's gift wrap it
Still gonna keep my toolkit, just in case one of you dumb shit
Wrappers are hungry, looking at me like I'm unfit
I know there was a time where once I
Was king of the wrap battle on my knees in the living room with a mince pie, a wrapping bow tie and a hi-fi and an autobiography written by Stephen Fry and the DVD of The Cable Guy
Other wrappers can't touch this, I'm on that MC Hammer shit, bitch
Wrap whatever you throw at me, I'll wrap a cup of tea
A cat, a gat, a Katy B and put it under the Christmas tree
Bow Selecta'
Never enter a girl without a ribbon
That's a wrap on these crap those, get it, wrap on these crap jokes
That's a crap joke
See if we get away with it now that it's not 09 though
Symmetrical-illy I'm pretty sure you wrapped up your balls and willy
That's not normal
Fuck being normal at Christmas, it's kinda chilly
In December, when a staff member caught me going rogue, hey Stan, you remember
I was just filling a bag with stock and not by paying legal tender
Man oh man, that was a 24/7 special on the CCTV
So Stan went straight to our boss the very next day tellin' all kind of tall tales
I'm 'a kill you Stan
Wrapped up in the trunk of a car in a pretty big bow
I'm 'a kill a really silly billy for assuming I'm abusing
What I gotta do to get it through to you, it's so confusing
Hey, Stan. Thought you were the man and your dad was a hand to the guy you're accusing
Figure skating 'round the freeway, demonstrating how to give a motherfucking rapper, that was feeling like he's complicating matters
And I know the wrapping game is still debating that one day that they can say I gave up, they'll be celebrating
'Cause I know the way to get them educated
I make elevating presents, you make elevator presents (what!)
Respect my presence, other wrappers take antidepressants
Mum, do not come in
Um, I'm just wanking
There's nothing worse than being caught by family, present wrapping
I don't know how to make gifts like that, I don't know what bows to use
Let me know when it occurred to you that the bow's just like the ones with your pair of shoes
I can see right now why you'd be confused
How many presents I gotta show you to prove that if you were half as skilled as moi, you could use a pair of scissors too
I'm a tape junkie, gifts chunky
And look at the smooth finish, yours lumpy
So bumpy but don't be grumpy
Don't bully yourself, I'm good on so many layers, get it
In fact, we're a million layers above you, that's why we making fun
Sprinkling glitter on these presents like machine guns
Your effort's lazy like a Two and a Half Men rerun
The countdown has begun but shit, we're out of puns
Thirty seconds to run, still we're not nearly done

I'm beginning to feel like a wrap god, wrap god
Sellotape, blu-tack, put it all in a fat wad, fat wad
But not just any other wrapper can join this wrap squad, wrap squad
Annually get utensils from this wrap box, wrap box
You thought you got something good but it was just socks, just socks

Uh! Guess that's a wrap on this track then
All you need is a tag, some tape and a ribbon and a bow and a silver and gold pen
It took six minutes to break that down
Don't be a wrap-tard, be a king
Think not, why be a king when you can be a...
You could be um... a... uh I don't know