"Hiding My Tears" lyrics

In a standstill for several years
I've lost control, I don't adhere
I'm in a race against the clock
I'm succumbing to my thoughts
Get me out of here before it is too late
Had a dream I died and woke up, saw the pearly gates
Why I sit around like I got all this time to waste?
Promise I'll do right

They say it will get better
I wanna believe it
'Cause I keep hiding my tears
I don't wanna feel shit
But I won't surrender
No matter what I'm facing
I can hear the thunder
Everybody leaving

My heart is racing, anxiety
Has me on the edge with uncertainty
How much longer should I endure this pain?
Before deciding to make a change
Drifting from myself, what have I become?
I make excuses when the truth is I should overcome
My emotions or end up with the consequence
For my whole damn life
But when I'm all alone I
Think the worst
That I'm slipping
I'm the bad guy
Not the best with
Doing goodbyes
From a young age
It was all lies
20 years pass
And I still hide
Devil haunts me
But in God's eyes
Pray I'll see this through

They say it will get better
I wanna believe it
'Cause I keep hiding my tears
I don't wanna feel shit
But I won't surrender
No matter what I'm facing
I can hear the thunder
Everybody leaving