"Color A Mythical Beast" lyrics

No we're not gonna perform this song for you
I just wanted to let you know we wrote one
Or maybe we will

On the first day of first grade
We were both held in from recess
Cause we were both writing profanity on our desks

I wrote Hell
I wrote Dam

But I spelt it "D-A-M" so it technically wasn't a curse word
But I think Miss Locklear knew my intentions

Our punishment was coloring unicorns
And that's when we became best friends
But equally as important
We never defaced public property again
So if you gotta kid who's writing obscene graffiti
Give him a picture of a mythical beast
And he will cease to write profanity
Don't write profanity

Now, this may seem like something cute we just wrote in a song
But it's actually true
It has been scientifically proven that you cannot formulate curse words
While coloring pictures of mythical beasts

Allow me to demonstrate:

Ass-itote
Shi-ver me timbers
Fu-nnlecakes
Mo-ther fu-nnlecakes
You see?
It's motherfunnelcaking impossible

So if you gotta kid who's writing obscene graffiti
Give him a picture of a mythical beast and he will cease to write profanity
Don't write profanity
Just color a mythical beast