"Goodbye" lyrics

Clock is ticking, I just want it stop
Time is flowing like a river, water all on my watch
Nah I'm kidding, I'm a broke kid, never was a dope kid
Eating lunch, fourth grade, had to go and choke kid

Thought it was over, body numb, no sensations
Thinking to myself like "Oh boy", the ends waiting
I gotta go, I'm sorry mama I didn't make it
You wanna see me now, but someone told me to keep you waiting

Life is cruel in a beautiful way
Wish I had some more friends, that would want me to stay
Never thought that even heaven's skies could get so grey
And could you tell me when perfection never got so vague

Feel like it's not real, feel like I'm waking up
19 years, when I go like did I take enough
Girl and I are breaking up, was really shaken up
Told me that she cheated 3 times, I can't make this up

Life is crazy and it's unexpected
And I'm just sick of learning every lesson
I'm scared of love that's only one confession
I miss the world before I lost my presence

I really question almost everything
Cause I just wanna know what's going on
Like is there something out there waiting for me
Whatever, I'll just put myself inside a countless song

Can you relate to this? Am I insane to you?
Did I just help you with a problem? Did I save you too?
Okay probably not, I shouldn't just assume
But I been looking for support, so what am I to do

I'm having flashbacks, of old-school hatchbacks
Whipping on the backroads, the matchbox had no gas
These random memories, invading me
They leave my mind empty, I been suffering from vacancy

In a house, but it's never been home
Like you alone cause you chose, and I'm alone like a ghost
These people see me and avoid me, I'm a joke I suppose
Maybe it's the way I talk, or how I'm wearing my clothes

I think I'm different, never listen if they calling me out
My mama told me not to worry, try reducing my doubts
It didn't work, I'm a mess, I see the tears in my eyes
It's time to go, always knew my biggest fear was goodbyes