"suicide" lyrics

I used to wake up and take drugs so I ain't feel that day
I don't wanna feel that way, I just wanna kill the pain
How many days have I spent starin' out these window panes?
I was livin' just to die, I'm dyin' to live different ways
Why would I grow cold to indifference? They give it anyways
If you call my phone, I'ma listen and won't hesitate
Every day I'm tryna pin a message, hope it resonates
I wanna feel my finger on this trigger till it detonates
I won't lie, most nights I sit and cry, my head's a different place
The police only people who want me when they givin' chase
The first sign of suicide, I was tryna give my shit away
I tend to sit in place, so please don't ask me what I did today
And I love 'em in abundance, ain't one of my kids' mistakes
I try to get up, then I slip because I slit my wrist today
"You could have it all tomorrow", that'll lose yo' bitch today
Instantly I think 'bout lyin' in it when I dig a grave

I love you more than anythin', it's hard to express
And most days it's like I straight wan' rip this heart out my chest
If you really love me, why would you discard me for death?
When they find my body, it'll be scarred up with no breath
Either that or charred up and just left there to stench
Most days it's like I feel worthless, even less than a cent
Keep askin' myself how much more depressed I could get
It's like I keep on gettin' everybody stressed till they dip
I hate how I wake up each day, and I just feel nothin'
But I keep it pushin', music in my headphones still bumpin'
Told 'em maybe you could take my heart, you wanna steal somethin'
I remember I was nothin', now my name for real buzzin'