"Story Of My Life Parody" lyrics

Laying on my couch watching TV
Eating Hot Pockets for days
Talking to my dog like she's a human
And can understand me

I'm on Twitter all night long
Trying to get celebrities to follow me
Taking pics on Instagram
And photoshopping the shit out of me
(I don't even look human. Perfect!)

It's Friday night and I'm home alone
Constantly looking at my phone
Waiting for a text from my friends
But no one ever sends

Cause I don't have a life, I just stay home
Have twerk battles all alone
Sometimes I even hump my bed (say my name, say my name)

Cause I don't have a life or any friends
Except the ones I created on The Sims
Cause I don't have a life (no, you don't, no, you don't)

I want 5 pepperoni pizzas with extra cheese
Oh, no, I'm not having a party. It's only me

Hey, I don't have a life or any friends
Can you put on this wig and just pretend to be my girlfriend?
(Taser gun, taser gun)

I go online all night and laugh at pics of animals
Or Nick Jonas' nips
They're so fucking big (pepperoni nips)

Refresh my replies
I talk to Cleverbot all night
Cause I don't have a fucking life