"I've Never Seen A Straight Banana" lyrics

Ohoho, my dear friends, I'm here today to talk to you all about the etiquette in society
I've never seen a straight banana
Oh, how I've tried

I've seen lots of funny things in my time, but there's one thing I've been trying hard to get
For years and years and years I've kept on searching, but I haven't had the luck to see one yet
Although I haven't seen one, you all know the thing I mean
And now I'm going to tell you what it is I haven't seen

I've never, never, never, never, never, never, never, I've never seen a straight banana
I've searched quite a bit, but I must admit, they're even curved when they are served in my banana splits
I have seen them by the carloads, on the Delaware and Lacawana
But I've never, never, never, never, never, never, never, I've never seen a straight banana

Oh how much I've been yearning to see that straight banana, but unfortunately I've had no luck

In fact, I recall when I was in Alaska, I have seen the sunshine 12 o'clock at night
I've seen the waterfalls down at Niagara, I confess that it's a most impressive sight
I'd love to see a certain thing, but if it's not to be, I'd like to see somebody else who saw what I can't see

I've never, never, never, never, never, never, never, I've never seen a straight banana
Though there's things I hate, millions I have ate
But doggone me I've yet to see bananas that are straight
I have traveled far to find them, up the Argentine to Tijuana
But I've never, never, never, never, never, never, never, I've never seen a straight banana

I've never, never, never, never, never, never, never, I've never seen a straight banana
Once I chanced to see a murder mystery
The jury found the prisoner guilty in the first degree
All at once I heard the prisoner holler out
"This is the truth, your honor, I have never, never, never, never, never, never, never, I've never seen a straight banana!"
I've never, never, never, never, never, never, never, I've never seen a straight banana