"at my door" lyrics

It was a Thursday, rain hittin' the porch
I was foldin' baby clothes, pickin' toys off the floor
Then I saw that envelope, old letters in black
From the Department of Human Services, you can take that back

It ain't right there, next to father of one
And the date she was born, I remember that month
I was sick, pregnant with your son, cryin' in pain
You was out makin' life while I carried the weight

This ain't jealousy, this is devastation
A baby born in secret while I'm raisin' this foundation
You was out makin' promises in another bed
While I was prayin' over us, tryin' to keep us fed

She got your blood, but I bled for this love
I birthed your legacy while you broke, God, trust in me
It's a blessin', I know a child's not the sin
But it's how you did it, the silence, the spin

You ain't just cheatin', you built a life outside
While I was dyin' slow, swallowin' pride
And the truth came knockin', cold and raw
With child support papers at my door!

Do you know what they do to a woman like me?
Then your backbone, your peace, your everythin'
Do she know I held your hand through court cases?
Do she know I cleaned blood off them staircase spaces?

I begged God to send me a sign, and He did
In the form of a daughter you hid from your kids
Now I'm sittin' here numb, can't even scream
Starin' at the crib, breakin' at the scene

And I don't hate her, Lord knows I don't
But I hate that she's proof of what you won't own
You let a lie grow legs, let it sleep in our sheets
While I kissed you and held you through all your defeats

She got your blood, but I carried the weight
She got your smile, but I lived with the ache

I'm knowin' our whole love was a shell, a disguise
Built on the back of your secrets and lies
You made two homes, but I only knew one
Now I gotta explain this to my son

And the truth didn't whisper, it swore
When it showed up uninvited in those papers at my door
At my door
Where our family used to be
Now it's just me