"it wasn't love, it was survival" lyrics

It wasn't love, it was survival
I stayed down, you stayed idle
I held on 'cause I feel new (feel new)
You held on 'cause I made you look good too

I gave my heart like it was nothing to lose
You gave me pieces, I confused 'em for truth
Now I'm singing my pain, not for closure or titles
But to remind me that was survival

I was begging you to show up while I bled in silence
Told myself it's love just to justify the violence
Emotion of neglect, dressed up as space
I lay next to a stranger just to feel safe

My friends said leave, but I wasn't ready
Thought love meant patience, start real men heavy
But you were like work, I just carried too much
Called it loyalty, but it was me scared to give up

It wasn't love, it was survival
I stayed down, you stayed idle
I held on 'cause I feel new (feel new)
You held on 'cause I made you look good too
I gave my heart like it was nothing to lose

You gave me pieces, I confused 'em for truth
Now I'm singing my pain, not for closure or titles
But to remind me that wasn't love
It was survival, was survival, was survival, was survival, oh, oh-oh

You never had to choose me, I did it for both
Held it all together while you played the ghost
Gave you the softest parts of me, just to prove
I was enough when really I was two

I'm not bitter, I'm awake and that's the shift
You didn't lose me, you just missed the gift
Now I pour into me like I did into you
This song ain't a cry, it's a breakthrough too