"Perfect Family" lyrics
I was raised by two parents that hate each other
And because of their own trauma, they made me suffer
I grew up with a narcissistic father
Master manipulator
So good disguising his abuse as a favor
See my parents and my older sister were emotionally abusive
Always made excuses pretending to help
While causing me pain
It's like putting out a fire while causing the flame
My family doesn't know how to function without someone sacrificing their peace
And unfortunately
The people sacrificing their peace was me and my older brother Dean
We get demonized every time we speak
And my dad only loved me based on my accomplishments
And I hate that I put faith into his promises
That's conditional love down to a tee
And if I ever talked about it with him, he'd blame me
He tried to isolate me from people in my life
He made fake accounts just to hate on me
He even called me "a disgrace to the family"
Tried to secretly manipulate people around me
But now I understand his aim
He doesn't ever want to feel or deal with the guilt of feeling shame
See: shame is a feeling that holds him so tight
That's a feeling that he's been running from his whole life
My sister tried to sue me for telling truth in a song
Found out my dad was behind it all along
Told me my birth wasn't part of the plan
24 years my parents don't know who I am
I honestly hate the fact that I still love you
Wish I could turn it off like a cord and unplug you
I feel the same way about my sister and my mama
See: all I tried to do was break generational trauma
I cut off my parents but here's the sad truth:
Not because I want to but because I had to
The thing about trauma: no matter how deep they bury it
It'll find a way to come back in your life, if they carry it
And that's why growing comes from being vulnerable
But change makes them feel so uncomfortable
Even if it's positive, the lesson—
They rather—
A familiar hell, than an unfamiliar heaven
This year was revealing
I hope they get healing
The one who breaks the cycle
Always becomes the villain
They don't care about me
They only tried to use me
When I was a child, my dad physically abused me
He always tried to convince me, that it was normal
He said it's because he loved me
And, after he would hit me, he hugged me
But, now, I'm seeing it clear
He wasn't teaching me love
He was teaching me fear
I've never been back-stabbed harder in my life
My sister would stab me, and my dad would twist the knife
They saw I was sinking but weren't even bothered
They saw I was drowning but wouldn't step in the water
See: you don't even know about the pain that I've been through
You don't even know about the things that I went through
I just wanted peace, but that peace was never there
I just wanted parents that actually cared
They showed their true colors
Now, I understand their goal
It was never about love
It was always about control
I had to follow a script
Like I was playing a role
Left a hole in my soul
The pain was taking a toll
Realizing my whole childhood was all illusions
That's the main reason for all my thoughts of confusion
Knowing that our bond was never even real
See: they put on a mask to control how I feel
I'll never forget that last family dinner
I looked straight into my dad's eyes and I cried
The truth about him was as clear as the sky
He's fearful of the truth but believes in a lie
I turned to my right, looked in my sister's eyes
I swear: it's like I saw a demon inside
Not a single ounce of care or an ounce of remorse
That's when I knew: both relationships had truly run its course
But now, that they're out my life, I'm doing amazing
The best version of myself is no longer waiting
I'm feeling way better than I thought I ever could
And I finally don't care about being misunderstood
Letting go of all my fears
If it wasn't for Marina and Dean
I would have never made it through last year
Persevered through the hardest and darkest, and lowest moments
In hopes to cope with the broken holes in my soul I was holding
Exposing moments
My heart was frozen
The cold was potent
It's like a boat
I was trying to row
That was overflowing
It's like an ocean
That had the motion
Of all the moments in a wave of toxic emotions
Had to remove and focus
But from here on out, I'm making a promise
I'm putting it in writing
So I can always acknowledge
I promise to be focused on fulfilling my purpose
And never give my love and heart to people who don't deserve it
And because of their own trauma, they made me suffer
I grew up with a narcissistic father
Master manipulator
So good disguising his abuse as a favor
See my parents and my older sister were emotionally abusive
Always made excuses pretending to help
While causing me pain
It's like putting out a fire while causing the flame
My family doesn't know how to function without someone sacrificing their peace
And unfortunately
The people sacrificing their peace was me and my older brother Dean
We get demonized every time we speak
And my dad only loved me based on my accomplishments
And I hate that I put faith into his promises
That's conditional love down to a tee
And if I ever talked about it with him, he'd blame me
He tried to isolate me from people in my life
He made fake accounts just to hate on me
He even called me "a disgrace to the family"
Tried to secretly manipulate people around me
But now I understand his aim
He doesn't ever want to feel or deal with the guilt of feeling shame
See: shame is a feeling that holds him so tight
That's a feeling that he's been running from his whole life
My sister tried to sue me for telling truth in a song
Found out my dad was behind it all along
Told me my birth wasn't part of the plan
24 years my parents don't know who I am
I honestly hate the fact that I still love you
Wish I could turn it off like a cord and unplug you
I feel the same way about my sister and my mama
See: all I tried to do was break generational trauma
I cut off my parents but here's the sad truth:
Not because I want to but because I had to
The thing about trauma: no matter how deep they bury it
It'll find a way to come back in your life, if they carry it
And that's why growing comes from being vulnerable
But change makes them feel so uncomfortable
Even if it's positive, the lesson—
They rather—
A familiar hell, than an unfamiliar heaven
This year was revealing
I hope they get healing
The one who breaks the cycle
Always becomes the villain
They don't care about me
They only tried to use me
When I was a child, my dad physically abused me
He always tried to convince me, that it was normal
He said it's because he loved me
And, after he would hit me, he hugged me
But, now, I'm seeing it clear
He wasn't teaching me love
He was teaching me fear
I've never been back-stabbed harder in my life
My sister would stab me, and my dad would twist the knife
They saw I was sinking but weren't even bothered
They saw I was drowning but wouldn't step in the water
See: you don't even know about the pain that I've been through
You don't even know about the things that I went through
I just wanted peace, but that peace was never there
I just wanted parents that actually cared
They showed their true colors
Now, I understand their goal
It was never about love
It was always about control
I had to follow a script
Like I was playing a role
Left a hole in my soul
The pain was taking a toll
Realizing my whole childhood was all illusions
That's the main reason for all my thoughts of confusion
Knowing that our bond was never even real
See: they put on a mask to control how I feel
I'll never forget that last family dinner
I looked straight into my dad's eyes and I cried
The truth about him was as clear as the sky
He's fearful of the truth but believes in a lie
I turned to my right, looked in my sister's eyes
I swear: it's like I saw a demon inside
Not a single ounce of care or an ounce of remorse
That's when I knew: both relationships had truly run its course
But now, that they're out my life, I'm doing amazing
The best version of myself is no longer waiting
I'm feeling way better than I thought I ever could
And I finally don't care about being misunderstood
Letting go of all my fears
If it wasn't for Marina and Dean
I would have never made it through last year
Persevered through the hardest and darkest, and lowest moments
In hopes to cope with the broken holes in my soul I was holding
Exposing moments
My heart was frozen
The cold was potent
It's like a boat
I was trying to row
That was overflowing
It's like an ocean
That had the motion
Of all the moments in a wave of toxic emotions
Had to remove and focus
But from here on out, I'm making a promise
I'm putting it in writing
So I can always acknowledge
I promise to be focused on fulfilling my purpose
And never give my love and heart to people who don't deserve it
