"Apathy" lyrics

I get on my knees and I pray I'm just looking for one single reason to stay
But I never get no answers, so anxious
This weight on my chest could make bones shatter
Been thinking bout death like it don't matter
When I get ahead I still go backwards
Been stuck on a cycle on daily I feel like nobody could save me just pray it don't break me
Been going through hell
And I fake a smile so nobody could tell
Been fighting my vices not going too well
And honestly I don't know if ima fail
But still I prevail
I don't know where I lost hope or if hope even matters when you not devoted to change
I don't know why I still feel in my heart that In the end I deserve all this pain
Living in darkness it constantly rains
Nothing but bad memories in my brain
That I can't shut out I been going insane
And no one even knows I'm going through things
So apathetic, like why am I the one that's apathetic
Every choice I feel like I regret it
I don't get it I don't feel like I'm in control of my head it
Don't it make any sense
Try to repent, I try to forgive but I can not forget
I can't turn away If it's still in my head
You can't let it go if it follows you everywhere you go again
When will it end
Why can't I ever find a way to vent
All the of the problems I hold up within
Why do I feel like I'm already dead
I don't know when
My life turned to a bad dream
That's constantly stuck on the same screen
I try to reach out but I can't scream
Can't find the words when you can't breath
Can't find the way when you can't see
I'm disappointed if you ask me
Cause I know in my heart what I can be