"Getting Older" lyrics

I lived my whole entire life without a destination
Now I'm always tryna find one out of desperation
All these problems in my head without an explanation
And every time I try to run, they keep on escalating

I watch my parents getting older, scared I'll lose 'em 'fore I make them proud
I tell them that I'll change for them, and then I only let 'em down
It's crazy - I can't tell 'em that I love 'em, only hate comes out
I'm blaming everyone but me, and honestly I hate it how

I'm haunted by the things that I can't seem to change about me
I wonder if this world would be a better place without me
I wonder if I'll ever see a day that isn't cloudy
It's a never-ending cycle of depression - it's astounding

And I'm sorry for the hate that I project to my surroundings
Made my mother cry so many times that I can't keep on counting
I don't wanna drag you down, but it gets hard when I keep drowning
And I know it breaks your heart to see me fall and keep on doubting

Spent my whole entire life always tryna find some clarity
Only reason I'm still breathing: I don't want my mom to bury me
It sucks that I can't see the joy inside this life you're cherishing
It kills me that the demons that I deal with - you're aware of them

And nothing that you do or say could ever help me bury them
I hate the way I live, and honestly it's so embarrassing
I'd change it in a heartbeat if I could - there's no comparison
The grass is always greener if my grass is just a barren land