"Wonder" lyrics

I wonder when part of me died
I look around and see nothing but people who dying to live while I'm dying inside
The cycle repeats and I'm wondering why
I run away while I'm closing my eyes
Hard to explain it so I say I'm fine
Seems like it's easier for me to lie
I lie awake and I stare at the sky
Hold in my heart that there's more to this life
They see me shine but they don't know the price
Holding my head but I'm not alright
I live my life on the edge of a knife
We all got demons mine just had to fight
They clouded my judgement
It's hard to be right when you don't know your purpose or path in this life
And you cannot relate to a soul
I feel like I'm alone, in a world full of lies
Hold on my heart that got filled up with ice
Drowning myself I keep chasing the high
Just to feel something I wish I knew why
The high never comes at the end of the night
Caught in the curtain it's hard to survive
Days come and go, this life passing me by
At least I can say that I tried, wonder when energy dies
Is there a heaven or is it a lie
I look for God and then it's a lie
I look for beauty inside of the fire
Tried to keep going but I guess I'm tired
I fill the void with the things I desire
Keep on neglecting all that is required, to deal with the problems that I have acquired
Just wanna be like all the ones that I admired
And I don't know if I can reach
Been under the water I'm stuck in the sea
It's hard to swim I don't see a reason
I started to question all that I believe
Cry out for help they act like they can't see it
Relive my trauma so much it feels recent
Never alone because I got some demons
When home isn't home all of your problems are secret