"Ashe" lyrics

I'm learning to like myself for the first time
Trying to rewrite all the stories that I've told
Everyone thought I had it all together
Now my fair-weather friends are gone with the cold

And I hadn't addressed the shame, I confess, it was eating me alive
If you bury something so deep underneath all the laughter and the lies
Guess nobody will believe you when you finally ask for help
I've been crying wolf every day for a while now
I've been telling you I'm okay for a while now

I'm outrunning the past, but it all has to catch up with the times
If I was faster, then I could pass the finish line
And if none of this lasts, then I can't grasp the reasons that we try
Will it matter when we all turn to ash?
Will any of this matter?
Will any of us matter in the end?

So I left California, 'cause California was a lot
It was heat strokes and suntans and pretending I am someone I am not
If I went back, I'd buy a house on a vineyard and sell all of my grapes
And no one would know that I used to be someone so great
Oh, no one would know that I used to be someone

I'm outrunning the past, but it all has to catch up with the times
If I was faster, then I could pass the finish line
And if none of this lasts, then I can't grasp the reasons that we try
Will it matter when we all turn to ash?
Will any of this matter?
Will any of us matter in the end?

Will the rumors and the actors and the music really matter in the end?