"Understand" lyrics

Girl, I hope you understand
I wanted to hold your hand
But I can't
Wanted to be your man
Back then
And you knew I fell for you
But you just broke my heart in two
I was sad
Mad and broken on my bed
Hoping I get rid of all the voices in my head

I was opening a packet of an undeveloped med
When I was met with a prescription of a bullet made of lead
And when I woke up in an hour in a pool of my own sweat
I said, "I swear to God I'll never even try to sleep again."
So, instead I took my pen
And started writing evidence
And when I started making sense I found that I had reached the end
Oh I'm upset, I have no friends, you wanna bet?
You're just pretend!
You're just a pet confined within the lines of writing
You're not shit

I thought I stopped my psychopathic ways, I swear I did
I said I'd talk to people 'bout the problematic life I lived
They were my neighbors; razor blades and different flavored pills I hid
Therefore I'm at
Surely my last
Straw, I'm so gassed
Stuck in the past
I said that

Girl, I hope you understand
I wanted to hold your hand
But I can't
Wanted to be your man
Back then
And so far
I never held you with my arms
So, it's hard to be the one you aren't
With instead
Filled with anxiety
Always was a part of me
Guess I'm not cut out to be

Somebody 'cause it's not me. I'm not used to all the talking
Was an introvert that had converted feelings into writing
Used to cope with all my problems using notes and lots of rhyming
Used to hope for better days whenever nights would have me crying
I'm not lying when I say that I would rather die than go back
To the times I would try and be the guy that people know as always
Fighting with the demons hiding far behind my eyelids
On an island full of violence, in my head I had two pilots

Oh the sun don't shine, and skies turn grey
I feel it coursing through my veins
I've said before I'm not OK
But you don't listen anyway
You know I tried, you turned away
You straight up lied right to my face
You fucked my life, ruined my day
But you don't know so I'll say

Nothing can fill this silence
No one can love like I did
(You don't know so, I'll say)
Nobody cares you lied it's
Not fair. You still deny it

So I'll say

Nothing can fill this silence
No one can love like I did
(You don't know so, I'll say)
Nobody cares you lied it's
Not fair. You still deny it

Girl, I hope you understand
I wanted to hold your hand
But I can't
Wanted to be your man
Back then
And too bad I know I can't wake up
Because I've lost my way and you don't give a fuck about me
This could be a dream
I can't see the things that you see so, please oh

Girl, I hope you understand
I wanted to hold your hand
But I can't
Wanted to be your man
Back then
And you had known
And played along
You were my home, I wrote you songs
Now you're dead to me
Effectively
Removed yourself outside my dreams