"Heavy Door" lyrics

Eight in the morning, everybody moving the same direction
Badge on the neck, coffee in the hand, like they agreed on it
Same hour, I step out of the world's speed
One small room, where my day starts and finishes

If I go outside they'll see it on me
Somebody's kid, wasting himself, they'll think it
Nobody's actually looking. I know that.
Knowing it doesn't move my legs

I only logged off for a second
Heavy door, and the handle's on my side
The room fills up with something like water
Heavy door, and I'm the one who shut it

It's not that I'm picky. It's not that I want easy.
People say that and I let them, it's faster
Let go of the world's hand for one month
Turns out it doesn't reach back the same way

Stopped answering calls around March
Not angry at anyone, just ashamed of the answer
How've you been. Four words. I don't have four back.
So the phone rings out and I sit very still

I only logged off for a second
Heavy door, and the handle's on my side
Nobody to ask, nowhere to lean
Heavy door, and I'm the one who shut it

If there was one person. One. Coming to get me.
If falling twice still had somewhere to land after
I think I could get up and pull this thing open
I think I could. I think.

I only logged off for a second
Heavy door, and my hand's on the handle now
Not opening it. Just holding it.
Heavy door but I'm holding the handle now