"I Wanna Disappear" lyrics

I told my mother it's going well, which isn't true
Told my friends I'm figuring it out, also not
It's not the failing, honestly, I could live with failing
It's the part where everybody watches me do it

There's a version of me in their heads from college
Who was gonna do something, who was gonna be fine
I keep her alive with a text every few weeks
It's exhausting, being someone else's good news

I wanna disappear, I wanna disappear
Not dramatic, not a scene, just gone
I wanna disappear, I wanna disappear
New town, new number, nobody's disappointment

Looked up apartments in a city I can't pronounce
Read about a job I'm not remotely qualified for
Closed the tab. Opened it again at midnight.
Closed it. This is what I do instead of sleeping.

Nobody there would know what I was supposed to be
I could be a person who just works and eats and walks
No history, no promise, no one keeping score
Just a stranger who gets coffee at the same time each day

I wanna disappear, I wanna disappear
Not tragic, not a headline, just gone
I wanna disappear, I wanna disappear
Somewhere nobody's holding the old version of me

I'm not going anywhere. I know that.
I'll be here on Monday answering emails
But it's nice to have a door in my head
Even if I never open it

I wanna disappear, I wanna disappear
Not forever, maybe just a year
I wanna disappear, I wanna disappear
Then come back new, then come back here