"Ozzie Girl" lyrics

So, um, actually I was in love with this fella's best friend
He was way more good looking and um, anyway
He fancied my best friends, that kinda screwed things up for me
But I thought, you know, if I get together with the best mate
I get to hang out with the guy I really like
So I did, you know?

Um, but I was a virgin
And he was not, that's true
He was also, I think a drug addict already
But um, anyway, so we hung out as a foursome a lot
He was a terrible kisser
And the other guy looked like a really good kisser
I used to watch the others kissing and it was like hot, really hot

Anyway, finally, we go to this party
And my sister is dating this guy I'm seeing's brother, right
So they go off for a wander in the fields
And I know what they're going to do
And then the guy I'm seeing says
"Do you wanna go for a walk?"
And I'm like, oh, shit
But I went, "Okay, sure," and he was leaving that night to go to the airport

So I thought, you know what can go wrong?
If it does go wrong, he's leaving so you know
If he abducts me, he can only abduct me for like an hour
So then, we go for a walk
And uh, we lie down in this field and this full moon, so romantic
Except it's not romantic 'cause they're fucking prickles all over my ass
And like in my head and my neck
And he's like dry humping me

But I just go with it, you know?
Then he's like getting his donger out
And putting on a you know what
And then he goes
"Guide me"
And I'm like, "No"