"Surgery" lyrics

I heard your surgery's today
I hope it goes okay
I swear to God I tried to call but couldn't find the words to say
My head is desolate inside
Left to tread the line
Between the weight of indecision and the effort left to try

I know you're dead on the inside
I can't dry my eyes
Disdain is different in this light
Cause this could have been my life

I can't find the road that I'm taking
I can't hide the fact that I'm breaking down
I hate the state that you stayed in
Hell if I know what I meant then
Bury my bones with this sense of doubt

You said the kids are growing up
Your undertone was rough
I swear the past ten years flew by and every change was so abrupt
My insecurity is high
It burdens me at night
When I revisit every word I wish I heard from your reply

I hate that we never speak now
I can't find the time
You said that we'd always reach out
And this wouldn't be our lives

I can't find the road that I'm taking
I can't hide the fact that I'm breaking down
I hate the state that you stayed in
Hell if I know what I meant then
Bury my bones with this sense of doubt

I hate to know that I kept a part of your ghost
Left it to roam in the emptiness of my own mind
I paid in full for the pessimism I hold
Destined to die beneath it
I wish I tried to see your side

I know
That I kept your ghost
Instead of moving on
And I hope
That I'm left below
When the tempest overflows