"dopesick" lyrics

And I've been on my hands and knees searching for the pills I threw
Over the back wall when I swore that I was through
And I meant it then
Nah, I really did
But fuck, it doesn't really matter when you feel like this
Cold sweats, got the chills, feeling nauseated
Until I get that in my system, I can't operate it
Fell off the wagon off the planet somewhere off in space
When orbiting my problems they don't look so bad from here, I'm staying
You keep saying that "It's killing you" like I don't see
Just wasting time, I'm praying to a God I don't believe
And I just hope that you don't ever have to feel the way it feels
When I decide to use 'cause I hate being alone with me
And every time, I keep running through this tape
To the end, like I know where this goes, but pretend
That it won't this time
Yeah, it's different, I'm in control
I've got it handled
When I need some help I'll let you know
But I don't, I just let it pull me further south
Getting faded, talking dreams but never leave the couch
Never found a purpose, don't know what I hope to be
But swore that I was born to be more than some oxytocin fiend
And I've been falling down 12 steps
Rehabilitated twice, it didn't stick I guess
Doctors think that they can fix me up with all those meds
Maybe I just got some problems now that y'all don't get

It's like I'm wading in the ocean
Staring in the distance, I can't see where the shore is
Crossed the line but I don't know when I did
And I swear I wanna quit but I don't wanna stop, I'm just—

Dopesick
(Goes up then you come back down)
Woke up feeling hopeless
(I reach out but you're not around)
I'm just dopesick
(Goes up then you come back down)
I woke up feeling hopeless
(I reach out but you're not around)
Yeah

And I'm in a meeting talkin', I ain't touched the pills in weeks
Like what's the point when I know heroine is twice as cheap
Twice as good and it'll take me down twice as low
Prolly kill me twice as fast but lately I've been feeling so
Bad that I welcome it, hurtin' me but helpin' and
The only fuckin' people that I see are ones who sell me it
I tried to give it up, I swore it off forever
But what's the point of sober if your life ain't gettin' better, huh?
The more that you ask, the more I withdraw, yeah
The more that I do, the worse the withdrawals get
The worse the withdrawals, the harder to stop that
And mom asks, "Why the hell you ain't call back?"
Yeah, up on the phone and the soul too
Sick of people lookin' at me saying "I don't know you"
They keep on talkin' but I'm barely even hearing them and
Even when I brush the teeth I don't look in the mirror 'cause
I can see the truth that's in the eyes
That's a window to the feelings that I keep disguised
Hard to differentiate with all the lies
Manufactured in my head just to keep the actions justified

It's like I'm wading in the ocean
So far out that I can't see where the shore went
And I can't live like this
Swear I wanna quit, but I just can't stop
I'm so—

Dopesick
(Goes up then you come back down)
Woke up feeling hopeless
(I reach out but you're not around)
I'm just dopesick
(Goes up then you come back down)
Woke up feeling hopeless
(I reach out but you're not around)
Yeah