"When I Was Beautiful" lyrics

Back when I was beautiful
I never understood I was
And I don't think I ever will
Compare to just how beautiful I was
A child and just a child
And that alone could make me cry
I hate to think I envy her
Hate the way it's twisting me inside

Been peering through kaleidoscopes
Watching everything I know
Get infinitely complicated
Multiplying cells like cancer
I used to take up space
Now I slink around this place
The walls adorned with strangers
Smiles spilling out the frames

Then I believed in everything
Everything
Now I know better
Wish that I didn't

Back when I said what I want
I never knew to laugh it off
The first time that I let it soften
That's the day the anger started
Too young to tell I was
No one else I could become
On the beach with my twin brother
Digging holes to India

Then I believed in everything
Everything
Now I know better
Wish that I didn't

All that I want
The first time is when
The first time I screamed
"Everything"
The earliest Junes
The first cold Decembers
Guess no one remembers

Can I just count up all the things I love
Pile them in a flatbed truck
Take the joy in fistfuls
Try to keep it simple