"Dr. West (Skit)" lyrics

"Morning, Marshall."

"Morning, doc."

"So we're discharging you today, how are you feeling?"

"Ah, anxious."

"Anxiety?"

"Well, anxious to get home, anxious to get back into the world. Nervous."

"Nervous? C'mon, Marshall, you're a big boy now
You're sounding like a bit of a baby, you can do this
You found a sponsor yet?"

"Um, not yet. But I mean, when I get back..."

"Well, if you find one, you find one. If you don't, you don't."

"Well, yeah, I mean I gotta start going to meetings first and...
Wait, what?"

"Well, I mean you don't absolutely have to go to meetings
I mean it's not like... a requirement
If they fit into your schedule, I know you're a busy person."

"Well, yeah, but I thought sobriety was the most important thing?"

"So what else are you thinking?"

"Um, well, I know I gotta start practicing the steps, and
I mean, learn 'em, and start being able to apply 'em."

"The steps?"

"Yeah, the steps."

"There's a lot of them, aren't there?"

"Well, 12, but–"

"Christ, I don't even know them all."

"Really?"

"Anything else?"

"Um, well, I mean the only other question I have is, like
What do I do if I find myself in a situation where
Maybe somebody is drinking around me or something like that
And I get tempted to—"

"Take a drink."

"What?"

"Take a drink, and y'know, take the edge off."

"Take the edge off? Man, if I have a drink I already know what that's gonna lead me to."

"What, you mean these?"

"No, what the fuck?!"

"Marshall, what's the matter, darling? Having some doubts, are we? Marshall, you can't leave me, you'll never leave me, Marshall
We'll always be together, Marshall. Marshall? Marshall!!

"Oh no, no, no! Come on, man!
Oh, fuck you, man!
No, no, no, no!"
"Oh, shit!"