"The Crab-Grass Baby" lyrics

[Crab-Grass Baby:]
Stroke me pompadour, pompaduooor, pompaduooor, pompaduooor. Stroke me pompadour, father. Stroke it nicely while I tell you about the problems I am having with my car an my girlfriend. Ooo-wo-woo, the white man's burden!

Her and her girlfriend used to go out and booze it up and tear up the upholstery; rip the seats completely out, and so I got a fifty-six Olds. About the time I got it running decently, she got in it and wrecked the trans... tore it completely up, so I had to get another Oldsmobile (either that or go to Tijuana or go to BROWN MOSES way down in Egypt-Land). It's so hard on a child when his car is fucked up. Buy me a Volvo, faaather.

[Harry-As-A-Boy:]
Isn't it terrific, artificial RHONDA!

[Crab-Grass Baby:]
One-Adam-Twelve... see the enormous white pompadour! Ha-Ha-ha-ho! That's a good one! Hoo-hoo-hoo.

[Harry-As-A-Boy:]
He's so young, and yet, SO WISE!

[Crab-Grass Baby:]
I pooped my pants, pooped my pants, pooped my pants! I went doody, faaather, sob-sob-sob-sob-sob.

[Harry-As-A-Boy:]
His vocabulary is astonishing!

[Crab-Grass Baby:]
So what if you suck a little cock every once in a while?

[Harry-As-A-Boy:]
Ohhh... I'm so lucky to have a son like this...

[Crab-Grass Baby:]
Barf me out... gag me with a Volvo!

[Harry-As-A-Boy:]
I can't wait to show him to all the fellas down at the MINE-SHAFT!

[Crab-Grass Baby:]
Take me to the movies. Buy me a balloon. Stroke me pompadour!

[Harry-As-A-Boy:]
Look! Look! Look at the pecker on him, wouldja! Goodjy-goodjy-goodjy-goo! Hoo hoo hoo!

[Thing-Fish:]
Dis boy have a 'PROVLEM'! However, how 'bout a nice round of applause fo de three 'WISE MAMMIES', comin' atcha outa chute numba five!