"Say Goodbye To Gotham" lyrics
GASHI & JIMI BANKS Lyrics
It's hard to say goodbye to the life I used to know
Feels like I died inside and never told a soul
2016 it had me touching every goal
2020 spun the block and repossessed it all
I had a plan guess God had a better one
Chasing music should've settled down and raised a son
Should've built a family instead of running from love
Swiping strangers on them apps so the damage was done
I think of death so often it feels like a friend
I picture my wake and who'd show up for me at the end
Secrets in my chest pray that I confess
Before I lay to rest and people see me dead
I might look happy but I feel depressed
Some days I find it hard for me to get up out of bed
I look around and see no real friends
Just some weirdos and my stories lurking like the feds
It's getting real loud up in my head
From all the words that I never said
I think the silence is worse than all the violence
Fear is such a weak emotion that's why I despise it
We scared of almost everything afraid to even tell the truth
So scared of what you think of me I'm scared of even telling you
I've been molested by ones who should've had me protected
It ruined me so much I feel I never resurrected
My brother sister raising kids now I overprotect them
I refuse to let them feel the damage I've been injected
The things I hate about my father I see in myself
Try to unlearn all of it before I go to hell
The music biz carved deep lines all up in my mind
I pray one day the life I flex match the one I hide
So many people love to hate on me I don't know why
If they saw the real me they would crumble and cry
I'm a guest in my own body never satisfied
Been searching for myself stuck in a shell with too much pride
I'm the saddest soul with the brightest smile
A mask I wore since a child shit is really wild
Gave up my dreams to see my parents smile
Just to end up all alone when they not around
I keep repeating the same mistakes let me catch a break
Nobody fumbled me I'm the demon they all escaped
Imposter syndrome got me feeling like I'm acting fake
I ruin everything before it even goes my way
Self-sabotage only place that ever kept me safe
Want opportunity but cry there's too much on my plate
I need to let go of the hurt but it's glued to my spine
I wanna get closer to God I need peace of mind
Mama reading the Quran saying I'll be fine
While I slip into Haram almost every night
Look what I did to the body she begged God to protect
Covered my legs in ink till they climbed to my neck
Trying to rewrite regrets losing my self-respect
Screaming out for help nobody checks unless they see a check
All the times that I've cried
All that's wasted
It's all inside
And I feel all the pain
Stuffed it down
It's back again
Just left home my mama told me be safe
It's hard to say goodbye it's tears running down my face
She wiped my eyes and said keep praying so don't lose your faith
She said no matter what we do it's gon be okay
I'm driving down a lonely road the city fading slow
I'm asking God to guard my heart and hope he take control
They only ask me for a favor when they call my phone
They paint me as the bad guy like I'm Van Gogh
My hands is closed I stand alone man I don't trust a soul
Take a look inside my closet you see skull and bones
I want the throne so when I die they'll bury me in gold
And keep it sealed and leave my girl a kiss from a rose
A letter to my unborn you make me want more
Just need a couple more years to see you in my arms
I'm pleading to my mom she say I'm taking way too long
The day you have a kid I'm probably gon be dead and gone
She probably right I mean it's times I want to prove her wrong
But sometimes me and my girl just hardly get along
I want to make the right choice I'm hoping she the one
I never told her but I guess she'll hear it in this song
I pour a glass of vintage Bordeaux thinking of my father
If he's alive I hope he hears this when
He's with his daughter
I just hope he told her that she got a older brother
A lot of secrets that
He plans to never get discovered
I couldn't fault him I just wish he thought I was important
I still got love for him and when he dies I'll probably mourn him
I'll even shed a couple tears standing at the pulpit
I'd speak about him even leave some flowers on his coffin
It's times I think that I ain't good enough I overthink
Sometimes I say the wrong things cause I over drink
My life flashed before my eyes so I couldn't blink
Arrivederci cus my pen is running out of ink
All the times that I've cried all that's wasted
It's all inside
And I feel all the pain
Stuffed it down
It's back again
And I lie here in bed
All alone I can't move
Feels like I died inside and never told a soul
2016 it had me touching every goal
2020 spun the block and repossessed it all
I had a plan guess God had a better one
Chasing music should've settled down and raised a son
Should've built a family instead of running from love
Swiping strangers on them apps so the damage was done
I think of death so often it feels like a friend
I picture my wake and who'd show up for me at the end
Secrets in my chest pray that I confess
Before I lay to rest and people see me dead
I might look happy but I feel depressed
Some days I find it hard for me to get up out of bed
I look around and see no real friends
Just some weirdos and my stories lurking like the feds
It's getting real loud up in my head
From all the words that I never said
I think the silence is worse than all the violence
Fear is such a weak emotion that's why I despise it
We scared of almost everything afraid to even tell the truth
So scared of what you think of me I'm scared of even telling you
I've been molested by ones who should've had me protected
It ruined me so much I feel I never resurrected
My brother sister raising kids now I overprotect them
I refuse to let them feel the damage I've been injected
The things I hate about my father I see in myself
Try to unlearn all of it before I go to hell
The music biz carved deep lines all up in my mind
I pray one day the life I flex match the one I hide
So many people love to hate on me I don't know why
If they saw the real me they would crumble and cry
I'm a guest in my own body never satisfied
Been searching for myself stuck in a shell with too much pride
I'm the saddest soul with the brightest smile
A mask I wore since a child shit is really wild
Gave up my dreams to see my parents smile
Just to end up all alone when they not around
I keep repeating the same mistakes let me catch a break
Nobody fumbled me I'm the demon they all escaped
Imposter syndrome got me feeling like I'm acting fake
I ruin everything before it even goes my way
Self-sabotage only place that ever kept me safe
Want opportunity but cry there's too much on my plate
I need to let go of the hurt but it's glued to my spine
I wanna get closer to God I need peace of mind
Mama reading the Quran saying I'll be fine
While I slip into Haram almost every night
Look what I did to the body she begged God to protect
Covered my legs in ink till they climbed to my neck
Trying to rewrite regrets losing my self-respect
Screaming out for help nobody checks unless they see a check
All the times that I've cried
All that's wasted
It's all inside
And I feel all the pain
Stuffed it down
It's back again
Just left home my mama told me be safe
It's hard to say goodbye it's tears running down my face
She wiped my eyes and said keep praying so don't lose your faith
She said no matter what we do it's gon be okay
I'm driving down a lonely road the city fading slow
I'm asking God to guard my heart and hope he take control
They only ask me for a favor when they call my phone
They paint me as the bad guy like I'm Van Gogh
My hands is closed I stand alone man I don't trust a soul
Take a look inside my closet you see skull and bones
I want the throne so when I die they'll bury me in gold
And keep it sealed and leave my girl a kiss from a rose
A letter to my unborn you make me want more
Just need a couple more years to see you in my arms
I'm pleading to my mom she say I'm taking way too long
The day you have a kid I'm probably gon be dead and gone
She probably right I mean it's times I want to prove her wrong
But sometimes me and my girl just hardly get along
I want to make the right choice I'm hoping she the one
I never told her but I guess she'll hear it in this song
I pour a glass of vintage Bordeaux thinking of my father
If he's alive I hope he hears this when
He's with his daughter
I just hope he told her that she got a older brother
A lot of secrets that
He plans to never get discovered
I couldn't fault him I just wish he thought I was important
I still got love for him and when he dies I'll probably mourn him
I'll even shed a couple tears standing at the pulpit
I'd speak about him even leave some flowers on his coffin
It's times I think that I ain't good enough I overthink
Sometimes I say the wrong things cause I over drink
My life flashed before my eyes so I couldn't blink
Arrivederci cus my pen is running out of ink
All the times that I've cried all that's wasted
It's all inside
And I feel all the pain
Stuffed it down
It's back again
And I lie here in bed
All alone I can't move
