"Expiation" lyrics

Dear mother I'm a terrible man
I stare at your picture with a gun in my hand
You're still the one thing that's keeping me alive in what they call home
Somehow I still feel alone

Under that black sky, it all feels the same
And every failure justifies the epitaph on my grave
"He was a good man just not enough to keep him safe from himself"
I guess that's what it would say

'Cause when you lose all, you realise that
Some things will always be more precious than life
While everyone lives unworried and carefree
Sometimes it feels like you'd be better away from here

What happened since the day faith left is a blur
But I remember wishing that I was dead instead of her
Don't ever ask me to serve as a model
Wish I could be a man and learn to pass the bottle (XXX)

I need a new plan before it's my time
To raise the flag and kiss this hateful place goodnight
It'll never want me, it'll never need me, it'll never love me

Let down and cursed to be jaded

With no father, no God

Another day as shark bait
I face death with eyes wide open all the way
So let the wolves in, no matter how far it gets me
I fear that no one can save me