"Sale Of The Century (Skit)" lyrics

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls
Let's get ready for the Supreme Clientele show with your hilarious host Dave Chappelle
Welcome to the show
What's question one, Dave?
What is the first thing a brother does when he wakes up in the hood in the morning?
Again, what is the first thing a brother does when he wakes up in the hood in the morning?
Ooh, ooh, yeah, yo, I got it, got it
Alright, let's see if he got the answer
I'ma pray to the Brown Jesus
Nigga, you lyin', you gon' eat that 1980s pussy
That is correct
Ayo, first thing I do in the morning, you know what I mean?
I scratch my balls, make sure it's two of 'em there, and then I thank my Lord and Savior that we still here
He is correct
I'ma light a Newport 100, smack my bitch, and have her make me some scrambled eggs
Correct
Don't put pork on my shit, bitch
I'ma put a porn on the VCR, beat my meat, so I could be light on my feet, ya heard? Deadass
He is correct
I'ma keep it a buck with y'all
I just wake up and just go clean my gun
That is correct
I be in the bathroom with the Palmolive cleanin' my hammer, so I don't
I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't know what these niggas is on
Now, he asked me, he ain't ask y'all