"Night In October" lyrics

I woke up kneeling in the backyard
With a stain I can't begin to get clean
I tore the flowers out of jaw
Like a garden, I grew bare and empty
Please don't get too close

I fell out of a dream into my death
Won't remember a thing until I hit the bottom
And I don't know what it means, try to forget
I just wanna believe I kept it all in my head

Can I make it all much better
If I find a reason why?
Feel like I wanna tear this body apart and make it whole again

I cough up feelings of a new scar
I heard everyone laughing at me
Hold my breath until it goes dark
Like a season I still carry gently

I fell out of a dream into my death
Won't remember a thing until I hit the bottom
And I don't know what it means, try to forget
I just wanna believe I kept it all

Like a heart attack with everyone involved
Tried to fight it back, we knew that I was so unwell
Took off without a warning
Felt different in the morning

A heart attack with everyone involved
Like an atom bomb collapsing underneath my shell
Hollow and distorted
Different in the morning

And I made it all much better
When I found a reason why
I wanna tear my body apart and make it whole again
Can I make it all much better
If I find a reason why?
Feel like I wanna tear this body apart ad make it whole again