"The Amazing Maze" lyrics

Ferris wheels and bumper cars are fun
But those rides just aren't for everyone
Bought my ticket I'ma have a run
In the maze (Woo!)
If I don't come back or right away
Give me time at least a half a day
Don't just leave me lost and thrown away
In the maze (Woo!)

[Legz Diamond (Jamie Madrox):]
Hello, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Jeff Nipple
(And I'm Jimbo Jizm)
Welcome to the Dark Carnival's amazing maze
(Over 5000 ways to get in, and no way out)
Let's meet today's volunteer
This is Rick
(We like to call him "Rick the Dick")
Dick face here is a wealthy entrepreneur
Who smacks his wife around
And buys his way in and out of everything
(Let's see how Mr. Tough Guy fares up in the amazing maze)

[Violent J (Shaggy 2 Dope):]
What up bitch? I'm Violent J
I'll be your guide for today, kay?
Good, got mad doors and mad floors
Hallways, crawl ways, walls for days
Make a left, just before you make a right
And your left should be to your right if your left's right
Right? Good, begin the show
Go on ahead, boy, and open up the first door
(Welcome to a theatrical thriller)
(Meet Jack Doobie, a serial killer)
(With a chainsaw, he takes your arm at the elbow)
(You get it back if you make it out, though)
(Fuck, ain't no use crying all day)
(You need to take your bitch ass back down the hallway)
(You gotta be a man, at least you learned)
(Everything you get in the maze you've earned)
Keep runnin', time's a tickin' on the clock
You might wanna tie that stump up with a sock
Turn right it might look the same
But you makin tracks through the room of thumbtacks
This really ain't shit
About a million tacks and the room spins a bit
If you stay on your feet you'll be okay
Ha ha ha- oh let me get out of your way

[Legz Diamond (Jamie Madrox):]
(Oh boy Rick the Dick is in a bit of a jam there, Jeff)
That's right, Jimbo
He looks like a rag-doll flippin and spinnin like that
(You can always witness spectacles truly amazing)
(Within the amazing maze)
Let's see where else Rick's adventures
Will lead the little dickwipe

[Violent J (female) {Jamie Madrox}:]
Hahaha, so you got a few tacks in your balls
Pick 'em all out and head right back down the halls
What's this? Dead end, doors locked
It's a long way back, just knock

Oh should've turned around, no doubt
Ain't nothin' that we got to sit and argue about
Keep going, make a left, right left
Now run straight ahead some more, open up the door
(Slide in the sheets, nice breeze)
(Relax, ninja, take it with ease)
(The maze is a place of magic)
(Many surprises, your dick rises)
(Lay down, expect the best)
(In comes your lover with a hairy chest)
{Hello, sexy, I'm Grim Love}
{Let me have a look at your, uh, milk dud}
Aw shit you fell for that
I ain't gonna tell you got your o-ring tapped
All that dissin' of the opposite sex
And look who just got their butt hole flexed
Wait! What's that?
The walls are closing in, fuck that
Hurry run for your life
Oh, he'll be alright

[Legz Diamond (Jamie Madrox):]
How's that sit with you, Jimbo?
First he gets plugged with bullets
Then he gets his butt plugged
(I think he's a fucking idiot, Jeff)
(I mean what kind of asshole)
(Can't find his way out of this maze?)
(You gotta be a real dick buffer)
(To wind up here in the first place)
Right you are, Jimbo
Let's watch the big dick fuck up some more

[Violent J (Shaggy 2 Dope):]
Alrighty ain't no need to fear
If there's a way out, it's gotta be near
Hey yo look, a phone
You still got one good arm so it's on
Can you hear?
Ah! Tongue in your ear
Drop it, the phone's got a life of it's own
"Kiss me, man, hey, come on"
Slip down the slide, go faster
Bed of nails, disaster
Quit screamin', yo
Hurry the fuck up and open the door
(Woods, trees you outside)
(Lots of places for creeps to hide)
(Watch your step, aah! Bear trap!)
(Caught your foot, and the ankle snapped)
(Break it off at the stump)
(Felt something in the rump)
(Hunters? Yeah, they gonna get you)
(How does it feel, bitch, get the picture?)
Back indoors hey at last
Look at your family behind the glass
They look weird, they're sayin something, listen up
"You fucked up! You fucked up!"
Ooh, they're laughin' and they're pointing at you
At least you know what they're sayin's true
It's one last door you made it home, or
Or what? Once again it's on

Ferris wheels and bumper cars are fun
But those rides just aren't for everyone
Bought my ticket I'ma have a run
In the maze (Woo)
If I don't come back or right away ("Hey!")
Give me ti-
"Hey man cut that shit
What the fuck man, happy friendly shit man
Fuck that
It's supposed to be wicked in this bitch, man
Turn that shit off"