"Mrs. Crandall's Boardinghouse" lyrics

In the boarding house I live in, everything was growing old
Silver threads among the butter, and the cheese was green with mold
When the dog died we had sausages; when the cat died catnip tea
When the landlord died I left there, spareribs were too much for me

Oh, my dear Missus Crandall, I think I like you a lot
I live in your house, quiet as a mouse
Some day you'll be caught

Girls can never change their nature, it is well beyond their reach
Missus Crandall is a lemon, she can never be a peach
But the law of compensation is the one I always preach
You can always squeeze a lemon, have you tried to squeeze a peach?

Oh, my dear Missus Crandall, I think I like you a lot
I live in your house, quiet as a mouse
Some day you'll be caught

My train was in the station, I was rushing full of care
But I stepped on her cat and stumbled, and fell headlong down the stairs
Missus Crandall came up to me, "did you miss a step, me son?"
"No,"my dear landlady, I hit every bloomin' one

Oh, my dear Missus Crandall, I think I like you a lot
I live in your house, quiet as a mouse
Some day you'll be caught