"The Uptown Poker Club" lyrics

Well now Bill Jackson went to poor ol' Dub
To join the Uptown Poker Club
And he cursed the day he ever told anybody he joined
Cause his money used to go like it had wings
When he had queens somebody else had kings
And every night he'd just sit there donatin' all his coins

He said boys now I'm gonna play it right tonight
I'm gonna watch them cards and I'm gonna play 'em tight
And then when I come in there son my hand's gonna be a peach
Well he played 'em tight but after awhile
He done lost his self a considerable pile
So he got mad he stood up and he made this little speech

Now boys you see this razor well I had it sharpened just today
Now I'm comin' in here with my rules that everybody gonna follow when they play
Now you Clyde you keep your hands on top of the table when you're dealing please
Quit takin' them little wild cards and stickin' em down there between your knees
And Jesse quit makin' all them funny signs like you tryin' to tip off your hand
You better talk to me in American son American so's I can understand
And Leroy quit takin' em offa the bottom ooh that's rough
Just take five off the top then stop that's enough
Then pass me them cards son let me cut on them things every time before you deal
I like to handle them things boy I like to see
Cause I got news for you lad you ain't playin' this game accordin' that fella Hoyle there
Uh uh no tonight you're playin' this game accordin' to me

Well now a sittin' around the table in that there game
There just happened to be this ol' one-eyed man
And Bill kept watchin' him out of the corner of his eye
This old one-eyed cat he'd been dealin' kinda funny
He done took a whole bunch of big Bill's money
So Bill rose up and he looked around the room and with a sigh

He said hmm said it's an awful shame
Said there's somebody cheatin' in this here game
Said of course it ain't gonna do for me to stand up here and mention the guy
So I'll refrain from calling that party's name
But you let me catch him cheatin' just once again
And I'm gonna take my fist and I’m gonna close that other eye

Now you see this razor well I had it sharpened just today
Now I'm comin' in here with my rules that everybody must follow when they play
Now Clyde you keep them bony hands up here on top of the table when you're dealin' please
Don't go takin' them little wild aces stickin' em off down there between your knees
And Jesse cut out makin' all them monkey signs you still tryin' to tip off your hand
You better talk to me in American big AA so's I can understand
And Leroy quit takin' em off the bottom of the deck son I tell ya that's rough
This is an army game son take five then halt that's enough
Then pass me them face cards over here let me cut them things every time before you deal
Cause I like to delve in there son I got to see
Cause I got news for you boys you ain't playin this game accordin' to that fella Hoyle there
Uh uh tonight you're playin' this game accordin' to me

Now then seein' as how you all know that I didn't ride in here on a head of cabbage
Henry if you'll break out another deck of them Bicycles me and the boys will get on with the business
But keep your eye on that fella wearin' the patch he holds them cards kinda funny
Ha ha if he ain't careful somebody around this table liable to jack his jaw
Ha ha ha ah son I feel like my luck just changed