"RUSSIAN DOLL" lyrics

What's with that hole in your head?
Couldn't say when it came, how I was shot last time
But I can tell I'm when I'm caught hopelessly
Beneath seances summoning more from me than I've got
And I'm just so tired, 'cuz each day takes aim
At all that it knows me to have, and expands on its list of demands

This year I enter the winter so full of resentment
Covered in brand new bruises, but none that I remember
I've seen the signs before

So why can't I recall?
How did I find my way home last time?
I fall on square one, each fall I take
Why should I try again?

If I know that tomorrow
Will bring new lows, can I still go?
Is it hopeless to put myself
Through the motions, through this wringer?
Oh my head's hardly here on a good day
And it's certainly gone when it rains
If you shot me tonight would it kill me?
Would I find the time to die in your gaze?

Can my present last if I have no past?
Nothing's clear when I look back, it's just black
But I've seen these clouds before

So why can't I recall?
How did I find my way home last time?
I fall on square one, each fall I take
Why should I try again
When in the end, it never changes
Just the same thing
One song that keeps spinning over and over again

I'm scared out of my mind, stuck inside a hole
And this is just the first of many, first of many, first of many
I'm grasping at liquid minutes, I feel like I'll never be satisfied
I am scared out of my mind, reveling in this dance
And hoping it's the first of many, first of many, first of many
Can it be our first of many, first of many, first of many?