"This Hotel Room" lyrics

This hotel room's got a lot of stuff
A laundry bag and a shoeshine cloth
Thirty-two hangers and a touch-tone phone
Well, a light that comes on when I ain't home

I ain't home, I ain't home
You better leave a message 'cause I ain't home

They got an air conditioner for when I'm hot
A radiator for when I'm not
Two big chairs sittin' side-by-side
With a holy Bible and the TV Guide

TV Guide, the TV Guide
Great God almighty, it's the TV Guide

I got a second story view from curb to curb
I got a sign that reads "Do not disturb"
A monogrammed towel and a bucket of ice
A chest of drawers and a mirror that lies

Mirror that lies, a mirror that lies
That couldn't be me in the gorilla disguise

They got a room service menu for food and drink
A porcelain throne and an aluminum sink
Two big pillows to rest my head
A Magic Fingers and a king-size bed

Put in a quarter, turn out the light
Magic Fingers makes you feel alright
Feel alright, feel alright
Magic Fingers makes you feel alright

This old' hotel's alright with me
They pay the postage if you lose the key
This hotel room's got a lot of stuff
But I do believe I've had enough

Called my baby, said don't you pout
I'm packin' my bags and I'm checkin' out
Just as soon as you hang up the telephone
Stick a candle in the window, I'm comin' home

Comin' home, a-comin' home
Stick a candle in the window, I'm comin' home
Comin' home, comin' home
Stick a candle in the window, I'm comin' home

"Thank you boys"