"Poor Unfortunate Souls (2016 Version)" lyrics

I admit that in the past I've been a nasty
They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch
But you'll find that nowadays
I've mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light, and made a switch
So, yeah, ha-ha-ha-haa...

I fortunately know a little magic
It's a talent that I always have possessed
And lately, please don't laugh
I use it on behalf
Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed (pathetic)

Poor unfortunate souls
In pain, in need
This one longing to be thinner
That one wants to get the girl
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed

Poor unfortunate souls
So sad, so true
They come flocking to my cauldron
Crying, "Spells, Ursula, please!"
And I help them
Yes I do

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haa

Now it's happened once or twice
Someone couldn't pay the price
And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals
Yes I've had an odd complaint
But on the whole I've been a saint
To those poor unfortunate souls

Well the men up there don't like a lot of blabber
They think a girl who gossips is a bore
Yes on land it's much preferred for ladies not to say a word
After all my dear, what's idle babble for?
Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
They dote and swoon and fawn
On a lady who's withdrawn
It's she who holds her tongue who gets a man

Come on you poor unfortunate soul
Go ahead - make your choice
I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day
It won't cost much - just your voice!
Poor unfortunate soul
It's sad, but true
If you want to cross the bridge, my sweet
You've got the pay the toll
Take a gulp and take a breath
And go ahead and sign the scroll
Flotsam, Jetsam, now I've got her, boys
The boss is on a roll
With these poor unfortunate souls