"Comprehensive Evaluation (Skit)" lyrics

[Joyner's Doctor:]
Hey buddy, come in and have a seat. Your mom told me you didn't want to come in and see me today because of our last conversation. And I apologize, buddy, I really do. I shouldn't have lashed out like that. I was out of character. I mean, you're only eight years old. And I had no business talking to you that way. So I wanted to extend a very sincere apology to you. You think we can be friends and get over this?

[Child Joyner:]
I guess so...

[Joyner's Doctor:]
Thatta boy. And I promise from this day forward that if you don't act like a little fucking retard and piss me off again, I won't lash out like that. There's consequences for everything, Joyner. You act like a little prick, you get the mean doctor you don't wanna see. It's that simple. Now, mom tells me you don't like the prescription I gave you

[Child Joyner:]
Not really...

[Joyner's Doctor:]
Well, what if I told you that I had a prescription that you can't get at the pharmacy?

[Child Joyner:]
Like what?

[Joyner's Doctor:]
You ever used cocaine, Joyner?

[Child Joyner:]
What's that?

[Joyner's Doctor:]
How about lean?

[Child Joyner:]
I never heard of it

[Joyner's Doctor:]
Give me your backpack

[Child Joyner:]
Why?

[Joyner's Doctor:]
I'm going to put a few things in there for you, and I guarantee this will take all your ADHD away for good. How's that sound?

[Child Joyner:]
Um...

[Joyner's Doctor:]
It'll be our little secret

[Child Joyner:]
I'm not sure about this

[Joyner's Doctor:]
Don't tell mom. If you do, no more treatment for you