"Tiny Toilet Man" lyrics

Once upon a time in a tiny toilet town
Lived a tiny toilet man with a tiny toilet frown
He took a tiny twirl to turn it upside down
'Cause when the world's a turd
You gotta swirl that turd around

I know 'cause I am a tiny toilet man with a tiny toilet plan
(Don't you try to foil it, man)
Because I can invite the toilet clan to recite a toilet shanty
(We are scatting)
Now I'm like an almighty toilet man with a giant toilet plan
(Soon, you might have soiled pants)
And now I stand beside my toilet band
Check the vibe, and if you like
Instead of fighting, join the fans
You see my face? Come take a dump on it
Can't be erased, 'cause I'm not flushing it
No more bidets to wash your butthole with
Bowls on parade, come take a plunge in it

Nothing's uncloggin' this, I'm what the blockage is
Breathe it in deeply so your nostrils know what noxious is
I got my bowels movin', now I'm really runnin' this
I'm throwin' shit at all the walls and none is gonna miss
People are pumped for this? Speakers are bumpin' this?
Everyone's idiot boxes are poppin' off with this
Porcelain thrones'll be smoking because I'm droppin' hits
But can your analog equipment handle logs like this?
Whenever snow begins ballin', there ain't no stoppin' it
I know that war never changes, change is the cause of it
Not to get meta, but was this made for the love of it?
'Cause it smells like a lot of dead presidents, doesn't it?

Wasn't there a time when this tiny toilet man
Took a fight he couldn't win, too far?
And now I stand a mighty toilet man
Hemorrhoidal 'cause I pushed too hard
When the shite lands, it won't avoid the fans
Call me Pollock when I paint my art
Because when I began as a tiny toilet man
I was a tiny toilet man with heart

Now this is my shot to give it all I got
Even if I'm on the pot right now
This is my stall to throw shit at the wall
And I'm 'bout to blow my butt right out

I'm on a roll, come wipe me off of it
I'll rock your bowl, don't bother plungin' it
So many Jons and not a one of 'em's anonymous
And I feel old 'cause I'm wonderin'—
What the fuck is this? (Huh?)
Listen, if you gotta do a number two, don't hold it
Got a motherlode, no way to control it
Post-Chipotle bowl, explode it
Wipe your butt and shoulder-throw it
Don't behold it, 'cause you'll only see your sins
The product you got out reflects whatever you put in
Log report, their tech's surpassin' ours
Just like the like button below, we gotta smash 'em hard
'Cause if you let any shit get to your head, it'll rot your brain
Then I'll have to crack the valve and send you down the drain

Wasn't there a time when this tiny toilet man
Took a fight he couldn't win, too far?
And now I stand a mighty toilet man
Hemorrhoidal 'cause I pushed too hard (I pushed too hard)
When the shite lands, it won't avoid the fans
My performance could obscure Mozart
Because when I began as a tiny toilet man
I was a tiny toilet man with heart

Hearts on fire, farts and lighters
I'll make lovers out of these fecal fighters
Because each of us creates whenever nature calls
So doesn't defecation bring us closer to God?
I should know

I am a tiny toilet man, but a mighty toilet I've become
So when I stand overlooking Toilet Land
I don't mind if it's a big, fat dump

'Cause there a time when this tiny toilet man
Took a fight he couldn't win, too far
And now I stand a mighty toilet man
Hemorrhoidal 'cause I pushed too hard (I pushed too hard)
When the shite lands, it won't avoid the fans
If you thought that that was bad, that's just the start

Because when I began as a tiny toilet man
I was dealt a toilet hand, but I had a toilet plan
To make this whole entire planet my almighty toilet land
'Cause I'm a tiny toilet man with heart