"Draft Dodger Rag" lyrics

You ready?

Well, I'm just a typical American boy
From a typical American town
I believe in God and Senator Dodge
And in keepin' old Castro down
And when it came my time to serve
I knew "Better dead than red"
But when I got to my old draft board
Buddy, this is what I said

Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
And I always carry a purse
I've got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat
And my asthma's gettin' worse
Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear
And my poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school
And I'm workin' in a defense plant

I've got a dislocated disc and a wracked up back
I'm allergic to flowers and bugs
And when the bombshell hits, I get epileptic fits
And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs
I got the weakness woes, I can't touch my toes
I can hardly reach my knees
And if the enemy came close to me
Well, I'd probably start to sneeze

Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
I always carry a purse
I've got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat
And my asthma's gettin' worse
Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear
And my poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school
And I'm workin' in a defense plant

And I hate Chou En Lai, and I hope he dies
But one thing you gotta see
Is that someone's gotta go over there
And that someone isn't me
So I wish you well, Sarge, give 'em hell
And kill me a thousand or so
And if you ever get a war without blood and gore
Well, I'll be the first to go

Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen
I always carry a purse
I've got eyes like a bat and my feet are flat
And my asthma's gettin' worse
Yes, think of my career, my sweetheart dear
And my poor old invalid aunt
Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm a-goin' to school
And I'm workin' in a defense plant