"Findlay" lyrics

Forgive me for the lies I've told
I know my story's getting old
But please just hear me out one last time
Long before I'd popped pills and swam in unpaid bills
There was a time I felt something other than restlessness at night
Mother grabbed me by the hair
Threw me down the stairs
Picked me up and cried
Stayed till I was breathing right
A fucking household prisoner
There were scratches on my neck
Bruises on my arms
Living check to check
Driving broken cars
I gave up counting sheep
Cus I never fucking sleep

Packing my things and I'm moving away
Forget you ever even knew who I was
And when you hear my voice or see my face
I hope it gives a decent taste
Of what it's like to feel so unloved

I had my first suicidal thoughts when I was 13 years old
Was taken by the idea of an escape
I saw my best friends father beat his mother till she couldn't walk
He grabbed my head and said you better not talk
Family members die
Choosing different sides
Some I'll never see
Split my family tree right in half
And you're okay with that

Packing my things and I'm moving away
Forget you ever even knew who I was
And when you hear my voice or see my face
I hope it gives a decent taste
Of what it's like to feel so unloved

It's been a minute since we last spoke
And when you call my phone I think I always choke
There just ain't a whole lot left for me to say
Looking back now I can say I'm proud
Blending with the crowd
Maybe I'm more human than you'd like to believe

And I'm packing my things and I'm moving away
Forget you ever even knew who I was
And when you hear my voice or see my face
I hope it gives a decent taste
Of what it's like to feel so unloved