"If A Girl Isn't Pretty" lyrics
Tovah Feldshuh, Toni DiBuono, Debra Cardona, Martin Moran & Jared Grimes Lyrics
(from "Funny Girl (New Broadway Cast Recording)" soundtrack)
[Mrs. Strakosh:]
If a girl isn't pretty
Like a Miss Atlantic City
All she gets from life
Is pity and a pat
Kindly name a star who hasn't
Won a contest or a pageant
If she hasn't she just never gets to bat
[Mrs. Meeker:]
She must shine in every detail
Like a ring you're buying retail
Be a standard size that
Fits a standard dress
[Mrs. Strakosh:]
When a girl's incidentals
Are no bigger than two lentils
[Fanny:]
Really, Mrs. Strakosh?!
[Mrs. Strakosh & Mrs. Meeker:]
Then to me it doesn't spell success
[Mrs. Brice:]
From two faces that could cause ya
To have temporary nausea
Do I have to hear a lecture such as that?
Is a nose with deviation
Such a crime against the nation?
Should I throw her into jail or drown the cat?
So she's built a bit off balance
She possesses golden talents
Or is that a pill to bitter to digest?
Ignore the dragons, Fannele
[Fanny:]
Don't you worry, Mrs. Strakosh
One day the whole world will look at me and be... stunned!
[Mrs. Brice:]
So go!
Toi toi toi
And break a leg!
[Eddie:]
From the top!
5, 6, 7, 8
Come on, girls
Arms!
Good job, girls
Come on, Fanny
Get in there just like we practiced!
There you go, Fanny
Go to it, Fanny
Come on and bring it over here!
[Mr. Keeney:]
Hey, you in the bloomers
[Fanny:]
Yes, Mr. Keeney?
[Mr. Keeney:]
What are you doing there?
[Fanny:]
Dancing!
[Mr. Keeney:]
Well go and do it somewheres else
You're fired
[Eddie:]
Come on, boss!
[Mr. Keeney:]
What's with the ringer?
You owe somebody a favor?
[Eddie:]
It seemed like a funny idea!
[Mr. Keeney:]
I pay comics for laughs
I pay chorus girls for... something else
If a girl isn't pretty
Like a Miss Atlantic City
She should dump the stage
And try another route
[Fanny:]
Listen, I know I'm no dancer but
[Mr. Keeney:]
Any guy who pays a quarter
For a seat just feels he oughta
See a figure that his wife can't substitute
[Fanny:]
Oh, come on!
[Mr. Keeney:]
If a girl ain't perfection
You better take up a collection
Every girl must be a dazzler and a beaut
[Eddie:]
She's got very nice deportment
[Fanny:]
Thank you, Eddie
[Mr. Keeney:]
But when they see that assortment
[?]
From the gallery they'll be throwing fruit!
[Fanny:]
Who asked you?!
[All:]
If a girl isn't pretty
If a girl isn't pretty
If a girl isn't pretty
If a girl isn't pretty
If a girl isn't pretty
She should get a job
Go get a job
Get any job
Get a weekly pay!
[Girls:]
'Cause if a girl isn't pretty
Like a Miss Atlantic City
[All:]
She's a real Miss Nobody, U.S.A
If a girl isn't pretty
Like a Miss Atlantic City
All she gets from life
Is pity and a pat
Kindly name a star who hasn't
Won a contest or a pageant
If she hasn't she just never gets to bat
[Mrs. Meeker:]
She must shine in every detail
Like a ring you're buying retail
Be a standard size that
Fits a standard dress
[Mrs. Strakosh:]
When a girl's incidentals
Are no bigger than two lentils
[Fanny:]
Really, Mrs. Strakosh?!
[Mrs. Strakosh & Mrs. Meeker:]
Then to me it doesn't spell success
[Mrs. Brice:]
From two faces that could cause ya
To have temporary nausea
Do I have to hear a lecture such as that?
Is a nose with deviation
Such a crime against the nation?
Should I throw her into jail or drown the cat?
So she's built a bit off balance
She possesses golden talents
Or is that a pill to bitter to digest?
Ignore the dragons, Fannele
[Fanny:]
Don't you worry, Mrs. Strakosh
One day the whole world will look at me and be... stunned!
[Mrs. Brice:]
So go!
Toi toi toi
And break a leg!
[Eddie:]
From the top!
5, 6, 7, 8
Come on, girls
Arms!
Good job, girls
Come on, Fanny
Get in there just like we practiced!
There you go, Fanny
Go to it, Fanny
Come on and bring it over here!
[Mr. Keeney:]
Hey, you in the bloomers
[Fanny:]
Yes, Mr. Keeney?
[Mr. Keeney:]
What are you doing there?
[Fanny:]
Dancing!
[Mr. Keeney:]
Well go and do it somewheres else
You're fired
[Eddie:]
Come on, boss!
[Mr. Keeney:]
What's with the ringer?
You owe somebody a favor?
[Eddie:]
It seemed like a funny idea!
[Mr. Keeney:]
I pay comics for laughs
I pay chorus girls for... something else
If a girl isn't pretty
Like a Miss Atlantic City
She should dump the stage
And try another route
[Fanny:]
Listen, I know I'm no dancer but
[Mr. Keeney:]
Any guy who pays a quarter
For a seat just feels he oughta
See a figure that his wife can't substitute
[Fanny:]
Oh, come on!
[Mr. Keeney:]
If a girl ain't perfection
You better take up a collection
Every girl must be a dazzler and a beaut
[Eddie:]
She's got very nice deportment
[Fanny:]
Thank you, Eddie
[Mr. Keeney:]
But when they see that assortment
[?]
From the gallery they'll be throwing fruit!
[Fanny:]
Who asked you?!
[All:]
If a girl isn't pretty
If a girl isn't pretty
If a girl isn't pretty
If a girl isn't pretty
If a girl isn't pretty
She should get a job
Go get a job
Get any job
Get a weekly pay!
[Girls:]
'Cause if a girl isn't pretty
Like a Miss Atlantic City
[All:]
She's a real Miss Nobody, U.S.A
