"The Campfire Song" lyrics

[Luke:]
Come on, grab some ambrosia, and let the nectar flow

[Percy:]
Why is everyone scraping part of their plate into the fire? Is the food here really that bad?

[Luke:]
Offering to the gods. It's not enough that they're omnipotent and all-powerful, they need to feel appreciated
To the gods!

[Ensemble:]
To the gods!

[Luke:]
Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your parents run the universe

[All:]
Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your folks run the universe

[Luke:]
My dad is Hermes
He messengers things
You'll know his sign by his shoes with those wings
I'd wait by the phone, but the phone never rings
Oh no

[Ensemble makes noises of agreement]

When your dad's a god, life can be tough
I met the guy once, and once was enough

Annabeth?

[Annabeth:]
My mom's Athena
She's smart and she's wise
She's sworn off gluten and she's sworn off guys
But if she came to camp, it'd be a surprise
Oh no
([Luke & Katie:] Oh no)

Oh, and my stepmom, she hates me, and my dad works all day
So I left Virginia and I ran away

[Percy:]
Wait, is that true?

[Luke:]
Everybody!

[All:]
Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your parents run the universe

Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your folks run the universe

[Luke:]
Alright, who's next?

[Katie:]
Oh! Okay, let me see...

My mom's Demeter
Goddess of grain
She gets excited when it starts to rain
But planting and planting and planting's a pain
Oh no
([Ensemble:] Oh no)

Right?

For their sixteenth birthday, my friends got a car
I got a fern in some dumb mason jar

[Grover:]
Ooh, ooh! My turn!

I'm a child of Pan
God of the wild
For those who love nature, they're often beguiled
He's not really my dad, but I'm sort of his child...
Oh no...
([Ensemble:] Oh no)

He went for a hike to explore new frontiers
And no one has seen him for thousands of years

[All:]
Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your parents run the universe

Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your folks run the universe

[Percy:]
Chiron! Who's your dad?

[Chiron:]
Oh, well

My father is Kronos
Remember my lecture
He ate his children

[Luke:]
Chiron wins

[Ensemble makes noises of agreement]

How about you Silena?

[Silena:]
The goddess of love
My mom's Aphrodite
She tries to be cool but mainly she's flighty
I'll bring home a boy, and she's there in her nightie
([Ensemble:] Oh no!)

It's so embarrassing, guys!

I tried to seek help from even the fates
Cause she steals my mascara and all of my dates

[Luke:]
Alright Percy, it's your turn

[Percy:]
If I tried to sing, it'll probably cause an avalanche

[Luke:]
Oh, we're all friends here. Come on, give it a shot

[Percy:]
My mom was named Sally
She loved scary movies
And food that was blue
And

[Katie:]
He's doing it wrong

[Silena:]
Yeah, who's your godly parent?

[Percy:]
Oh... I don't know

[Luke:]
It's alright A lot of half-bloods never know their godly parent. Just give it a try

[Percy:]
So my dad is some god
That's great I guess...
Did he not want me? Or not want the stress?
Too bad he's the worst, and my life is a mess
Oh no

[Ensemble cheers]

I hope he shows even a trace
Cause I got some choice words to throw in his face!

[All:]
Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your parents run the universe

Oh, things couldn't be worse

[Luke:]
But I don't care where our parents may be
As long as you are here with me

[All:]
We don't care where our parents may be
As long as you are here with me

As long as you are here with me!