"All I Rap About Is Death & Despair" lyrics

Loving myself, but it hurts sometimes
Suicide note, got it in my mind
Drop ten bands, couldn't hurt my pride
And I ride for the fans, but it hurts sometimes like
Every night it haunts me, I just wanna end my life
Pick that bottle up again and then I'll run into the knife, saying like
I don't wanna go back home, swear I'm still trapped inside it
I don't wanna go back home, my soul, I can't find it
And all I ever write about is death and despair
But those feelings always fade away, they just don't compare

To, you, and to you, I pray to god that you don't run
Take one step I'll load the gun, just to fire at my emptiness

Got clean but every day still miss it, crushed up pills really blind my vision
2019 worst year of my life but I came right back now I'm back on the grind
Back then really thought I had a death wish
Still do but this time I won't suppress it
Smoked green just to ease the aggression
But it never gets rid of my depression
Look inside, yeah, my soul's all black
Never really thought they fucking with me like that
Just a young dumb kid, now that kid got plaques
And he burst right through and he got the last laugh like
But no matter my successes
That noose stay tied round my neck, shit
Twenty-six still got so many questions
I feel blessed but it never really set in

Every day I don't wanna wake up
Been so long since I felt love
One more day, I might draw blood
I don't even wanna try to fix my mistakes
You save me from myself when I get closer to the flames
When I'm lost and in the darkness, I still know I'll find a way

To, you, and to you, I pray to god that you don't run
Take one step I'll load the gun, just to fire at my emptiness