"Viagra (Skit)" lyrics

[Ludacris:]
Oh God! Oh God! Ugh..

[911 Lady:]
9-1-1. What's your emergency?

[Ludacris:]
Yes ma'am I got a hard problem, I got a hard problem...

[911 Lady:]
Calm down, sir. It can't be that hard. OK?

[Ludacris:]
No, no. It can't, it-it can't... It is! My dick, it's been hard for over eight hours and it just won't go down!

[911 Lady:]
Excuse me?!

[Ludacris:]
I took one of them Viagras for the first time...

[911 Lady:]
Word?!

[Ludacris:]
And the first one didn't do anything, s-so I took another one...

[911 Lady:]
OK.

[Ludacris:]
And now my shit harder than titanium in this motherfucker, I've been knocking shit over...

[911 Lady:]
Damn. I ain't had no dick in 6 months.

[Ludacris:]
Why don't them shits come with directions?! I don't know what to do, ma'am help!

[911 Lady:]
Hey, girl. Lisa!

[Lisa:]
Hmm--?

[Ludacris:]
--My God, what was I thinking...

[911 Lady:]
--Cover my shift. Forward this call to my cell and confirm his address!

[Lisa:]
I got you!

[Ludacris:]
Swear to God I'm'a kill Tyrone and them niggas. I ain't never listenin' to them niggas again, man. I swear!

[Lisa:]
Mm... Calm down, sir. Help is on the way!

[Ludacris:]
I can't believe these bitches set my dick up for failure!

[911 Lady:]
Well, what happened anyway?

[Ludacris:]
I had, I had invited this chick over, you know what I'm sayin', this bitch I knew from a long time...

[911 Lady:]
Mm-hmm...

[Ludacris:]
And she said she was with her friend, and they both wanted this thang, man, like they both wanted to jump me off, you know what I'm sayin', and then--

[911 Lady:]
--Poor thang!--

[Ludacris:]
--it started going to voicemail, man I hate these bitches. Man, why do they need to be doing this stupid shit?!

[911 Lady:]
Mm-mm, sir. Help is in the neighborhood! Is it the last house on the right?

[Ludacris:]
...Right on the right... right? No, they right, these bitches ain't right!

[Lisa:]
Mm, don't worry about that! Mamma gon' take care of you! Oh, is the one with the blow-up dolls in the front?

[Ludacris:]
The one in the cut, with the furry bushes... it's got some furry bushes. Yes, it does... I done wacked off like three times! I don't know what else to do!

[911 Lady:]
Well, you ain't gotta do that no more!

[Ludacris:]
What the hell you doin' in my house?!

[911 Lady:]
Nigga, where the drinks at?!