"Penis Song" lyrics
Ladies and gentlemen, introducing
The "Penis Song"
(Oh no, he didn't) (Honkey dick)
This is my penis song
I wish that I had a bigger shlong
One that was quite a bit more thick and way more long
One of those porno King Kong dongs
Ha-ha, check it out, yo, uh
I wish my dick was bigger, yep, I can admit it
I'm above average on inches but I wanted damn double digits
If I had a big ol' cock what would I do?
I'd probably go to Florida and show it to Trina and screw
Get butt naked and start streaking at my school
And get arrested but at least the girls would be impressed
With my third leg and, and then I'd go to a keg and
Do a keg stand, get drunk and do the running man
With no clothes on just to show off
"My dick's bigger than yours when mine is cold and soft"
Ha-ha, oh yeah
I forgot that's not really the cock that I have
I went out and party-bagged 'em and quickly opened the package
And it fit me like Kriss Kross's old-school starter jackets
Tryna convince myself like, "Size doesn't matter
Anyways I'd probably just put it on backwards," I mean
I know that God made us all different and special
But shit did he really have to invent lopsided testicles?
I don't have them, I just... I feel bad for, like, you know the guys with like, you know, their left one hangs like lower than the right one, kinda like a—kinda like a lazy eye, like on your, on your balls. I don—I don't know, I just just heard that... I feel bad
This is my penis song
I wish that I had a bigger shlong
One that was quite a bit more thick and way more long
Fellas, if y'all feel me sing along (Don't front, don't front)
Yo yo yo. Ayo ladies? Yeah? Ladies? Yeah? Do you want a guy with an average dick? Hell no. Then—wait, you don't? No, honkey dick. Okay, that's cool (Whatever) No, that's fine
I promise, I'm so self-conscious
That's why you never see me skinny dippin' in August
Always walkin' around with my hands in my pockets
Tryna pump blood into my guy Alfonso
I mean, goddamn I don't think you girls understand
I've had a complex since that song Short Short Man
And even though girls have told me that I'm big
When I watch a porno I feel like a little kid
I mean, let's take Ron Jeremy
Now if a girl sees him she'll compare him to me
And every MC in hip-hop has got a huge cock
Or at least talks about it in every song that they drop
I mean, shit
If I was really hung I'd make a whole album called Me and My Dick
With interludes of all the girls that I'd been with
And talk about my package and multiple orgasms
'Cause all that I see is that size does matter
We got Enzite, penis pumps, surgery to Viagra
But when it all adds up you can't really change it
I'm not a porno star, I just gotta face it
You know, I mean, what can I do? Nothing, right? This song goes out to, like, all the, like, little bit above average dudes, to, like, the small dudes, medium dudes but all you big guys, man, stop [?]
This is my penis song
I wish that I had a bigger shlong
One that was quite a bit more thick and way more long
Fellas, if y'all feel me sing along (Don't front, don't front)
The "Penis Song"
(Oh no, he didn't) (Honkey dick)
This is my penis song
I wish that I had a bigger shlong
One that was quite a bit more thick and way more long
One of those porno King Kong dongs
Ha-ha, check it out, yo, uh
I wish my dick was bigger, yep, I can admit it
I'm above average on inches but I wanted damn double digits
If I had a big ol' cock what would I do?
I'd probably go to Florida and show it to Trina and screw
Get butt naked and start streaking at my school
And get arrested but at least the girls would be impressed
With my third leg and, and then I'd go to a keg and
Do a keg stand, get drunk and do the running man
With no clothes on just to show off
"My dick's bigger than yours when mine is cold and soft"
Ha-ha, oh yeah
I forgot that's not really the cock that I have
I went out and party-bagged 'em and quickly opened the package
And it fit me like Kriss Kross's old-school starter jackets
Tryna convince myself like, "Size doesn't matter
Anyways I'd probably just put it on backwards," I mean
I know that God made us all different and special
But shit did he really have to invent lopsided testicles?
I don't have them, I just... I feel bad for, like, you know the guys with like, you know, their left one hangs like lower than the right one, kinda like a—kinda like a lazy eye, like on your, on your balls. I don—I don't know, I just just heard that... I feel bad
This is my penis song
I wish that I had a bigger shlong
One that was quite a bit more thick and way more long
Fellas, if y'all feel me sing along (Don't front, don't front)
Yo yo yo. Ayo ladies? Yeah? Ladies? Yeah? Do you want a guy with an average dick? Hell no. Then—wait, you don't? No, honkey dick. Okay, that's cool (Whatever) No, that's fine
I promise, I'm so self-conscious
That's why you never see me skinny dippin' in August
Always walkin' around with my hands in my pockets
Tryna pump blood into my guy Alfonso
I mean, goddamn I don't think you girls understand
I've had a complex since that song Short Short Man
And even though girls have told me that I'm big
When I watch a porno I feel like a little kid
I mean, let's take Ron Jeremy
Now if a girl sees him she'll compare him to me
And every MC in hip-hop has got a huge cock
Or at least talks about it in every song that they drop
I mean, shit
If I was really hung I'd make a whole album called Me and My Dick
With interludes of all the girls that I'd been with
And talk about my package and multiple orgasms
'Cause all that I see is that size does matter
We got Enzite, penis pumps, surgery to Viagra
But when it all adds up you can't really change it
I'm not a porno star, I just gotta face it
You know, I mean, what can I do? Nothing, right? This song goes out to, like, all the, like, little bit above average dudes, to, like, the small dudes, medium dudes but all you big guys, man, stop [?]
This is my penis song
I wish that I had a bigger shlong
One that was quite a bit more thick and way more long
Fellas, if y'all feel me sing along (Don't front, don't front)
Writer(s): Ben Haggerty
