"Playing Dead" lyrics

No, I don't go to parties
I'm California sober, and I'm lame
I'm too sad for that setting
I'm boring and I wouldn't change a thing

My speech is slurring lately
I know it's a slippery slope
I thought it would cure me
I thought it would maybe help me cope

But nope
I'm addicted to feeling numb
I choke up when I think of the things I could've done
Done instead

But I crave that rise in dopamine
So much I may throw my brain away
Just to get so high I feel nothing again
'Til I pop another the next day
And let the thoughts all fade away
My memory is leaving me
I'll fade to nothing at this rate

Not a social smoker
(Not a social person, first of all)
Not a happy stoner
I lie there like a five foot tall rag doll
Doll

I know that I'll regret it
Hours every day just playing dead
Morning, resurrected
A zombie rising from a dirty bed
And yet, I ignore my declining health
My self is an unrecognizable silhouette
Silhouette

But I crave that rise in dopamine
So much I may throw my brain away
Just to get so high I feel nothing again
'Til I pop another the next day
And let the thoughts all fade away
My memory is leaving me
I'll fade to nothing at this rate

Too late to stop, I'm really not sure how
Give it a shot with all that you've got now
Too late to stop, I'm really not sure how
Give it a shot with all that you've got

That leaf might as well be pomegranate seeds
The past years were hell
But now it's purgatory
With nobody to blame this time
Except for me

But I crave that rise in dopamine
So much I may throw my brain away
Just to get so high I feel nothing again
'Til I pop another the next day
And let the thoughts all fade away
My memory is leaving me
I'll fade to nothing at this rate
Fade to nothing at this rate